sermons

Summer at Reservoir

Calling of the Sea, The Bewildering Call of God

Lydia Shiu

Aug 18, 2024

People sometimes ask me

“how did you decide to become a pastor?”

It’s a big question. I’m always wondering, hmmm, which version do they want? Because as you might guess, it was a series of events that built on one another. It was a season of discernment, of being uncertain, of questioning, of wanting and wondering.

• Because how can you be sure that you’re being called by God?
• How does one hear or know this “sense of calling” as they say in the ordained ministry world?
• How do you hear God’s voice?

This is a question that I’m very curious about, how does one hear or experience God. Even though I have personally experienced it, I’m so curious how others experience it. Like, I want details. When people tell me things like,

“there was a time in my life when I felt really connected to God.”

I’m like, when, how, what did that look like. They’d say,

“Well when I pray…”

and I’d say,

“what time of the day, like on a couch or on a bed? Do you kneel or journal?” 

• Have you been called by God?
• Maybe not into ordained ministry but to something?
• Have you heard from God directly and convincingly, even as it might’ve felt fleeting and mysterious? 

I want to talk about calling today by taking a look at a call story from the Bible, there’s many, but I picked the call story of Mary Magdalene. And I’ll share a piece of my calling experience. And Moana’s, yes the Disney princess. And see if there’s any themes or movements that might help take us through an experience of a calling. What that looks like, feels like. That might even help us recognize not only the big calling for big changes, but even small little gentle callings of God’s holy voice in our everyday lives and how to pay attention, listen, and move through them. 

Let me read for us from the Bible, a story of the calling of Mary Magdalene, not when she first met Jesus but after his death and after his resurrection, when she re-encountered the resurrected Jesus. It comes from

John 20:11-18. 

11 But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look[a] into the tomb;

12 and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet.

13 They said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’ She said to them, ‘They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.’

14 When she had said this, she turned round and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus.

15 Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? For whom are you looking?’ Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.’

16 Jesus said to her, ‘Mary!’ She turned and said to him in Hebrew,[b] ‘Rabbouni!’ (which means Teacher).

17 Jesus said to her, ‘Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.”’

18 Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’; and she told them that he had said these things to her.

I want to highlight 3 movements that happen in this story that I resonate with, and that I think could often happen in a calling story.

1. Confusion. 2. Recognition. 3. Announcement 

First, confusion. Confusion and also sadness. 

I grew up in the church and there was this thing that many of my friends in my subculture went through. The last night of the youth group retreat when you give your life to Jesus. Trigger warning, as some have mixed experiences of possibly manipulated moments from these kinds of environments – but I mention it because I think some of those experiences also capture and reveal some real felt feelings.

So growing up, our youth group would have a weekend retreat at a retreat center. Through the weekend we’d play games, worship, do skits, just hang out, whatever. But on the last night, we’d all gather around campfire at night, and we’d just sing and sing praise songs in the dark, mixed with prayer from the pastor, and you’d be invited, like an alter call to give your life to God. I always found that it was interesting that we would all end up crying. There was, admittedly, some toxic theology, looking back, about shame, and guilt, and sin, and also I do think (when you really get very very honest with God and with yourself) there is a release of emotions. Of things that you were managing to hold together, like lies you told to your parents, wrong things you’ve done to your friends, or something bad you did even when you knew it was bad to do. On this last night of retreat, you could let it all go, and there’s liberation and lots of tears. 

Mary of Magdalene (by the way Magdalene is not her last name but that’s most likely a description of her origin, Mary from the town of Magdalene), was probably just simply sad because her good friend and teacher had just died. But I did want to point this out because I think that is often sometimes the moment we find God. When we’ve had a great loss, and there’s some open space or room, a need to hear from God. Now I’m not saying we all experience this exactly the same. Again, I’m just using a few stories of Mary, me, Moana, to draw broad strokes to see if it resonates with us. But a state of confusion, filled with sadness sometimes is an opening to a holy moment. 

In my call story, I was also in a time in my life when I felt lost. I was in a new city, San Francisco, moved up there after college for a job, working a job that was grueling and unsure if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t know many people and felt uncertain about my identity in my mid-twenties. I had not been going to church at the time, probably for a few years, and after feeling somewhat lonely, I decided to check out a church one Sunday morning.

I heard a sermon on the woman with the alabaster jar, a Bible story of another woman, apparently a sinful woman touching and anointing Jesus’ feet with her expensive perfume and her tears. From the beginning of the sermon to the end of that worship service, I soaked my little paper worship bulletin I had held in my lap. I identified myself with the woman, who Jesus said,

“loves much because she has been forgiven much.” 

That Sunday thrust me into a whole season of my life, I think probably about three – four months where I needed to keep connecting with God every night before bed with some scripture reading, journaling, and prayer time. A thing that I grew up calling it “Quiet Times,” when you are supposed to spend quiet time with God every day – that I never did regularly with much shame and guilt for never doing it, like a bad Christian does, that was me. But these months, I did it not out of obligation or duty but because I just needed to make sure and confirm and re-confirm that I in fact had heard God in that one sermon. A devotional book accompanied me through this time called “My Utmost for High Highest” By Oswald Chambers. It had a bible text, a short reflection paragraph for each day of the year and I read every single one. 

On August 5th, it read like this:

Title: The Bewildering Call of God

Scripture text: “…and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished.”…But they understood none of these things… —Luke 18:31, 34

Reflection reads:

God called Jesus Christ to what seemed an absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be a failure from human’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as human’s purpose.

(it continues) This bewildering call of God comes into our lives as well. The call of God can never be understood absolutely or explained externally; it is a call that can only be perceived and understood internally by our true inner-nature. The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance— they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes.

I felt like I understood none of these things. I was a disaster. I was a failure. When I read the words,

“The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him.”

I remember my breath both quickening and deepening at the same time. Like you’re trying to swallow something bigger than you’re supposed to. Like looking out to a vast ocean and feeling it all. How the waves both beckon you and scare you at the same time. 

I pictured a sea man on a boat. Free and wild. A little dirty and haggard, and maybe no one else understands why he would choose to live on a boat. But he’s happy. He feels free. 

You know how when you go to the beach with a group, there’s always that one person who jumps into the water? It doesn’t matter if it’s cold or no one else is going in. They have to go in. I’m that person. I don’t know why – I’m not even a good swimmer, and the ocean frankly scares me. But I have to go in. This is how I felt God call me into ministry. 

In the midst of confusion, sadness, all the emotions from guilt to freedom, and then I believe comes a moment of recognition. I love how for Mary, it takes her a while. She sees the angels; she doesn’t get it. She’s weeping, and they’re like,

why are you crying?

And she’s like

I don’t know where Jesus is!

Jesus comes out, she still doesn’t get it. And Jesus is like

why are you weeping,

(there’s a lot of why questions during a calling, okay?) and she’s like,

well if you took him, tell me where he is!

But then, in an instant, Jesus calls her name and she hears it clearly, recognizably, and in that moment she knows. She completely knows. 

In my confusion, some things for very strange reasons felt so very clear. Especially when it didn’t make any sense. It shouldn’t have made any sense, and yet, it made all the sense. Which is how my closest friends and family responded when I first told them that I was going to seminary to become a pastor. The initial confusion, (what?) and then like it all made sense to them, (oh. I see.). I’m not all too sure what that means but I’ll take it. It’s like my life flashed before them and then God covered it with grace right before their eyes. 

And what I loved most about what I read in that August 5th devotional, was that it also was misunderstood by everyone else. It said that it was an internal thing. And it sure was. A lot of guys were confused, how I, a girl, was going to be a pastor. Was I going to seminary to find a husband or to become a Sunday school teacher? When I said no, they were utterly confused. Yeah, I know! Crazy to think! But it was like that back in my day! It was wild and crazy to think a little ‘ol girl could lead or teach or preach or guide people. Wild right? 

And that’s why I love the modern day Disney princess stories of not only falling asleep and waking up to kiss a prince but seeking, venturing, taking action, and going against the tide. The movie Moana made my heart swell. I often get the sudden urge to just run and stop dramatically and sing, “I Am Moana!” I’m pretty sure I’ve done that in another sermon, another illustration right here not too long ago.

Confusion, Recognition, and Announcement.

You see, for Moana too, even as she felt this strong calling, it was often conflicting for her. Her community was confused and her father disagreed with her. She wasn’t sure of herself, why she felt this longing. But there was just something absolutely sure, that she could not deny, she ran back to the water again and again because,

“It CALLLS~~~~ me!” 

And lastly, the other scene I love from Moana is when she discovers the true story of their people, she runs back to her community saying,

“we were voyagers!”

She can’t help herself, the excitement. And so she moved from confusion, to recognition of her calling and then to announcement. Sorry, spoiler alert, they were voyagers.

Mary did this too.

“Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’; and she told them that he had said these things to her.”

But also, right before that, I want to note and point out Jesus saying to her,

“Do not hold onto me.”

Sorry, in my 2nd point, Recognition, there is an addendum I’d like to add. It’s fleeting. The holy voice comes and then it goes. It’s not something you can freeze and lock down and keep in a museum. 

There are many holy moments captured in the Bible. For example, even for the Israelites, there are these big moments when God shows up, like the 10 commandments, but the rest of the stories are all mostly about remembering those moments, because they just keep forgetting and forgetting time and time again. And that’s actually the main story, what we do all those other regular times in our lives when we’re not on the mountain top getting a clear calling from the Lord. 

And so the antidote to that is my 3rd point, announcement.

When you have that moment, even if it came, and went, go and share. Go and talk it out and work it through to see what it did to you and confirm and make sure or refine the experience through your wisdom board, closest friends, or community group. 

And maybe for many of us, it isn’t a moment where Jesus literally called our names. Or one moment even, that we can point to. Maybe it was a series of things that strangely strung together to ignite something in you but you don’t know where it’s going. Like the Christmas song says,

“go tell it on the mountain!”

Go and announce! Go back to your village yelling like a mad woman that just discovered a bunch of old ships. 

Is God calling you? We never would’ve known if Jesus called Mary Magdalene if she didn’t go and tell and tell again and they told someone else and told John and John wrote it down to tell it again and so forth. 

• What are you hearing from God?
• Could you tell a friend about something that you’re sensing, or feeling, or hearing in your life to sift through together?
• Can you go find a sounding board to help you recognize the call of God in your life, and maybe look at you confused at first and then nod with you in recognition? 

Let me end with this. 

The Gottman Institute, the leading research based marriage and relationship experts point to this thing they call “bids” that

“are the building blocks of healthy relationships. They are those meaningful daily endeavors when you invite your partner into your world and ask to enter theirs.”

They can be and often are small things, not grand gestures because it’s easier to say,

“Oh there’s this guy on the bus who brought on the cutest dog ”

which means listen to a small part of my day, rather than saying

“I want to be heard and connected with!” 

Gottman says that when someone offers their bid, and this can be with kids or friends too, when they say something to try to get your attention, you can either ignore it and turn away from it or turn toward it and give it acknowledgement. And that, that creates connection, like you’re on the same side. With my husband it can be as small as, when we’re walking and I notice a flower, a broken brick, or a weird looking car, it honestly could be anything, and I say, “oh look!” and he turns and looks in the same direction that I am looking and sees and notices what I saw and noticed.

It’s small but Gottman studies

“found a critical difference in how masters and disasters respond to bids for connection. In the Love Lab, masters turned towards each other 86% of the time. Disasters turned towards each other only 33% of the time.”

I guess the masters are what they called masters of relationship and disasters. The founder, John Gottman is

“the guy that can predict divorce with over 90% accuracy,”

so… I’ll take note. He also recommends kissing for more than 6 seconds daily for relationships. 

I wonder if God is offering bids to you. And if you are paying attention or turning towards the things that God is trying to point out to you. When you get in the habit of ignoring bids, you don’t even notice that they are trying to offer bids. But be open, see, notice, and listen, and see if God is offering small bids to you this week. Maybe we’re not getting dramatic gestures of God calling our name with a booming voice, and also maybe we’re out of practice. But even if we are, it doesn’t matter.

God will always be offering bid after bid. Even when it feels like everything seems to be going wrong, and there’s great distress and confusion and loss and sadness, listen and look into the tomb for angels. And engage in honest conversations, “why God?”, and when you have a flash of recognition, even if it’s fleeting, go, go and announce it and find a community to talk it through with. I pray that we may have the ears to ear, eyes to see, hearts to feel the great bid and calling from God for our lives. Let me pray for us.