Lydia Shiu - Reservoir Church

Be Still and Know: Stop and Do a Gut Check

My daughter was on a “would you rather?” questioning mode one night. She asked,

“Would you rather sit and read a book or hug your kiddos?”
“Would you rather give me 5 apples or 10 candies?”
“Would you rather hug me or kiss me?”

and went on and on the whole bath. At first I answered quickly with obvious answers, “hug my kiddo of course!” “apples of course!” But after a while the questions started getting complicated in my mind. Well I might need some alone time at some point so sitting down and reading sounds really nice. I didn’t tell her that.

I started thinking too hard about these questions and all that is parenting where every decision feels like it’ll ruin her for years of therapy, that I say,

“well if you had apples everyday for the last 5 days, I think I could offer you a candy, but if you had lots of candy already, then I’d give you an apple, so it all depends. Everything depends. There’s not always a clear answer about good or bad. Apples aren’t always good and candy isn’t always bad.”

And finally I said,

“right foot, get your right foot in the pants and stop asking me questions!”

Wisdom. The wisdom to know the difference. Because there really isn’t always a good answer for things everytime. It depends on the person, the situation, the context.

So how do we know if we have wisdom? It’s a hard thing to pin down. Just like air and wind. And just like the Spirit. How does the Spirit of God work? How do we know if we’re moving in the spirit of God or if we’re totally going the other way?

We’re talking about the metaphor of Spirit as Air in this season of Lent. Today we anchor on a scripture text from one of the Pauline letters, 1 Corinthians 2:6-16. Paul talked about the spirit a lot. The work of the Holy Spirit in the early church, with charismatic experiences and entrepreneurial spirit of starting something totally new, under a new understanding, a new covenant, Paul relied on the power of the spirit to talk about their ministry and understand his own calling. Here’s a clip of his letter to the Corinthians that talks about the wisdom of God. I pray that it’ll enlighten and anchor us to discover more the love of Jesus that is present right here within us today.

1 Corinthians 2:6-16 (Common English Bible)

Definition of wisdom

6 What we say is wisdom to people who are mature. It isn’t a wisdom that comes from the present day or from today’s leaders who are being reduced to nothing.

7 We talk about God’s wisdom, which has been hidden as a secret. God determined this wisdom in advance, before time began, for our glory.

8 It is a wisdom that none of the present-day rulers have understood, because if they did understand it, they would never have crucified the Lord of glory!

9 But this is precisely what is written: God has prepared things for those who love him that no eye has seen, or ear has heard, or that haven’t crossed the mind of any human being.[a]

10 God has revealed these things to us through the Spirit. The Spirit searches everything, including the depths of God.

11 Who knows a person’s depths except their own spirit that lives in them? In the same way, no one has known the depths of God except God’s Spirit.

12 We haven’t received the world’s spirit but God’s Spirit so that we can know the things given to us by God.

13 These are the things we are talking about—not with words taught by human wisdom but with words taught by the Spirit—we are interpreting spiritual things to spiritual people.

14 But people who are unspiritual don’t accept the things from God’s Spirit. They are foolishness to them and can’t be understood, because they can only be comprehended in a spiritual way.

15 Spiritual people comprehend everything, but they themselves aren’t understood by anyone.

16 Who has known the mind of the Lord, who will advise him?[b] But we have the mind of Christ.

We are a mystery, even hidden to ourselves, even hidden to our closest loved ones or partner. I mean, how well do you really know the person that’s sitting next to you, really?

“In the same way, no one has known the depths of God except God’s Spirit.”

And Paul is saying that, that huge mystery of God, that abundant, expansive love and heart of God, is revealed to us through the spirit.

But do we even have the space to see it or hear it?
Are we listening for this burst of truth?
How can we, when our lives are so filled with so many surfaces of half little truths that we keep ourselves so busy with?
How can we truly feel God’s belovedness and know our beauty and worth when we’re so busy fixing ourselves up with worldly standards of beauty?

We try so hard to architect our lives, plan ahead, busying ourselves to optimize our days, save money, make life efficient, more efficient, ooooh if we can work so hard to just make it a little more efficient, then, THEN we could sit down and rest. Only THEN we think we’ll actually feel beautiful and loved.

In my early 30’s I had a panic mode season. I was just going through a big breakup. I wasn’t ordained yet, living in a small basement like in-law unit that I entered through the small side door next to the garage of my upstairs landlord that took me down a long dark corridor to where the trash cans were stored, next to it my place. Apparently my biological clock was ticking, living in the city as a single woman didn’t feel as cool as Sex in the City made it out to be. I was often lonely and just down on myself. So I kept myself busy. That year, I picked up running, biking, and skiing all in one year. I was obsessed with tracking on my Strava app and determined. I was hell bent on getting clipped onto the bike, because I had signed up for a mere 40 mile bike ride, I know that’s cute to some of you but I was never athletic growing up. I did choir, piano, and theater. I didn’t play sports growing up. I used that long corridor to clip my shoes into the bike and fall, and clip and fall and clip and fall again and again, it was very dramatic.

I was also on another app, called Coffee Meet Bagel, it’s a dating app. Yes, when you don’t know what to do with your life and who you are, just download a bunch of apps. I was hell bent on finding someone, as if you could orchestrate that sort of thing, they sure make you feel like you can by giving you a Bagel, a match, at noon every day. I would set up dates for the weekend. One Saturday, because I had nothing else better to do between my run and bike ride, I set up a morning coffee date, a lunch date, and a dinner date, yes all three meals with Bagels. By the 3rd date, I was sharing stories about myself that I wasn’t sure if I’d already told that person or another person.

The story does go that, that Lent, I decided to fast from dating (and yes I did end up meet my husband “when I wasn’t looking”) when I joined an Enneagram group for self discovery and growth that April, but the moral of the story isn’t that when you stop trying God will bring you the one, okay? That is NOT my point! Though it doesn’t hurt my point of the need to slow down and make space to hear God…

We’re going through this Lenten season centered on the words, “Be Still and Know that I Am God.” from Psalm 46. Because Lent is an invitation to just stop. The fasting during lent tradition is for that reason, to just stop busying ourselves so much with our own wit and knowledge and knowhow and apps and all, but just stop.

And last week Steve mentioned that the Jewish translation doesn’t just say, “be still” but it’s more like “desist.” I was curious about it because I always found the words “Be still and know” SO DREADFUL. Like, just, relax, and be still, sit, and be calm, and all wisdom and power will just come to you out of thin air. It makes me feel woozy. Like I’m supposed to be this super elevated spiritual person who talks real slow. I’m sorry I don’t get that kind of luxury.

Cole Arthur Riley, the author of Black Liturgies said,

“To suggest a form of faith that tells me to sit down alone and be quiet? It does not rest easy on the bones. It is a shadow of true contemplative life, and it would do violence to my black-woman soul.”

I followed up with Steve about that word, “Desist.” The verse right before “Be Still and Know That I AM God” says,

“To the ends of the earth he makes wars cease– he breaks the bow, snaps the spear, burns the shield in the fire.” God is putting a stop to wars by breaking, and snapping, and burning the bow, the spear, and the shield so that we can stop our violence, injustice, and sin. And then, instead of “Be Still and Know” it says, “Desist, and learn that I am God, supreme over the nations, supreme over the earth.””

Do you see the slight difference in attitude and posture? It’s not, I think “therefore I am” kind of confidence and entitlement. It’s

“stop what you are doing and get humbled to LEARN that I am God.”

It’s less a gentle anointing to the man but in your face standing against all that you are doing to ruin and sabotage yourself, you human, realize that I know you, I know the nation, I know the earth. God is sending a Cease and Desist letter. It isn’t an invitation to sit down and sing Kumbaya, it’s showing God’s power to end it all. God is saying, Back down. Full stop.

Be still and know I am God wasn’t what I had always imagined at all, of sitting in peace and tranquility, no shade to meditation cause I love meditation practices for real though, but AND, it’s more abrupt and powerful INTERRUPTION and a CALLING OUT to CEASE and DESIST of all the busying and worrying and scheming and cheating and lying and hiding and covering up. STOP!!!!! FOCUS!!!! LISTEN!!! It’s more like the HipHop artist Grammy winner West coast rapper Kendrick Lemar’s song Humble, Sit down. Be Humble. Sit down. Be Humble. Sit down. Be Humble.

Stop and Learn.

That’s why Paul is saying, spiritual people will get this but unspiritual people won’t get it. They won’t get it because they’re busy buying into the lie. To the trend of the day, whether it’s “everyone’s on Instagram. You have to be on it if you’re going to have any social connection”, or “you have to be skinny to be beautiful. Oh and by the way, you should hide your aging at all costs if you want to be beautiful.” or “you have to go to an elite college or college at all if you want to have any success in life.” or whatever the latest “common” knowledge is, eat more protein, work out, but don’t do high intensity training cause your cortisol will spike up, or whatever hashtag is in. Or we’re too busy listening to our shadow selves, our ego. Instead of the spirit that is in communion with God, the one that hides in the dark, ashamed and covered in lies.

To stop listening to the trends of the world or the ego can feel at first disruptive. Like a car going a million miles an hour to just come to a complete stop, you have to face gravity and velocity or whatever physics that happens, which can feel abrupt. That’s why the work of the Spirit is described as Wind, which sometimes, oftentimes, isn’t just a nice breeze but can SNAP branches, BREAK roofs, BEND you car, and TAKE down your internet, and you are forced to stop everything without internet. The spirit work is unpredictable like the wind and it might upend things first before it settles anything down to something that resembles peace. When you STOP suddenly, you might feel vertigo. You might feel the detox in your body. You might find it very frustrating.

I find Lent very frustrating. I don’t like all the grief. It’s too messy. Oh the snot and tears of grief, I hate it. I don’t like crying out of nowhere in my car in my driveway, you? I mean, you know this too. That to learn, there is discomfort. First there is confusion and misunderstanding.

And so we’re left here again. Okay, wisdom, spirit, wind. Unpredictable and elusive. So how do we do this thing, this awkward unwieldy thing we’re supposed to work with?

To level the playing field is to turn it upside down. Paul brings down the modern-day rulers to nothing. Paul nullifies powers and authorities. How? How does he do that?

He points to the lowest thing to the highest thing.

He points to the cross.

He points to the tool of its day for execution and humiliation–the crucifixion.

The Message, a kind of a causal translation of the Bible by Eugene Peterson, a biblical scholar, has verse 16 from our text today,

“16 Who has known the mind of the Lord, who will advise him?[b] But we have the mind of Christ.”

To this:

Isaiah’s question,

“Is there anyone around who knows God’s Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?”

has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ’s Spirit.

And I think this is the brilliance of Christianity at its core. What we didn’t know. God, the divine, the mystery, the hidden secret has been revealed to us as a person. Jesus Christ. What is God like? How does the Spirit guide us? We have the answer. It’s Jesus. Follow the spirit of Jesus that has been gifted to reside in you and with you. The one who the world rejected, misunderstood, one who was weak and killed. For God lifts up the lowly and despised, and places them at the center.

The Spirit is at work when a person’s spirit defies the world’s gravitational force of hierarchy. When the high becomes low, and the low becomes high. That is beautiful and spiritual. When valleys are filled and the mountains are brought down low and we can all sit together and see each other, soul to soul, spirit to spirit as equals.

I love seeing that in our church. I see the spirit at work when I witness the worldly status and power of a tall grown man’s lap being stomped on recklessly by a 5 year old in Kids Church. I see the spirit at work when we put the young queer person front and center to lead us in worship and song, teaching us how to sing,

“I love you, Lord.”

I see the spirit at work when I see Faith Into Action bring together young white folks and old black grandmas to lock arms together to fight for justice. I see the spirit at work when immigrants in our church rise to have power and influence on the board. That’s the kind of the spirit power Paul saw in his early church and admonished the church in Corinth to desperately hang onto the guiding of Christ’s spirit because that’s the only thing that could make sense.

Whenever we uplift the lowly, we are doing the spirit’s work. Whenever we center the de-centered, we are doing Christ’s work, who put toddlers in the middle of the crowd and said, be like them. As one Pauline scholar says, we are to

“embrace the logic of the cross, as a community to accept weakness and humility as marks of God’s favor.” (Bassler)

Where can you do that in your lives today, this week?
How can you apply the logic of the cross to yourself?
Where can you accept weakness and humility as marks of God’s favor?

I just warn you, when you begin to do this, it might not feel good. Look what happened to Jesus. That’s the invitation of Lent. You see why I don’t like Lent? New life and Easter comes later. It’s promised, but first, death, grief, and discomfort.

And that’s the end of my sermon, because it’s Lent. Let me pray for us.

Radical Hospitality Is An Upside Down Business

Let me pray for us. Holy Spirit, may the power of your truth speak to us now. That my words will fall and your words will stick. That everything we worry about, stress about, obsess about – may you suspend it for even a moment that you, God will be clear to us, that you will shine your face on us, that your breath will blow through us we pray, amen.

Matthew 15:21-28 (Common English Bible)

21 From there, Jesus went to the regions of Tyre and Sidon.

22 A Canaanite woman from those territories came out and shouted, “Show me mercy, Son of David. My daughter is suffering terribly from demon possession.”

23 But he didn’t respond to her at all.

His disciples came and urged him, “Send her away; she keeps shouting out after us.”

24 Jesus replied, “I’ve been sent only to the lost sheep, the people of Israel.”

25 But she knelt before him and said, “Lord, help me.”

26 He replied, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and toss it to dogs.”

27 She said, “Yes, Lord. But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall off their masters’ table.”

28 Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith. It will be just as you wish.” And right then her daughter was healed.

Hi My name is Lydia and I’m an Instagram addict. This is the part where you say, “Hi, Lydia.” Look, we’re all creatures of habit. It’s hard for us to change. I’ve been trying to replace my addiction with healthy coping skills, with Spotify, music, Libby, books, YouTube, clips of the Grammys. The dopamine hit is not hitting hard enough and I feel so bored and anxious. The other day my husband caught me pulling out my 6-year-old daughter’s watercolor and painting really ugly dahlias.

‘She’s obviously going through something.’

Things feel chaotic. I feel out of whack. Unsettled. These days, I feel grief and anger and then need to escape those things to enjoy something and it all feels like a paradox. How about you? How are you feeling these days? Anyone want to just pull out some watercolor and just paint with me? The bleeding water captures feelings I can’t seem to verbalize. Things feel topsy turvy upside down.

I want to invite us into this disorienting feeling. When things are shifting, when changes are being made, for better or for worse, it feels like having vertigo. My question has been how can we center down in this time. As we wrap up this sermon series of Radical Hospitality, I was drawn to another story about a table.

It’s a story of Jesus extending his own work, being challenged, learning and growing, changing his mind even. I like to point to this story, on a side note, as a picture of the impact we have on God. I believe that our petitions and prayers move God because of stories like this one. That even Jesus moves through discomfort to accomplish God’s radical, generous, lavish love bestowed upon not just a few but all.

The story follows a familiar or formulaic pattern of this kind of genre or style. Where the main character is obviously an outsider, asking for something, is then refused by the center of power or authority, but because of their unique wit or clever prompting, the outsider is granted something that would’ve otherwise not been granted according to tradition. It recalls characters like Tamar or Rahab, in which regardless of the impossibility of the situation, these ladies will, through using whatever they already have, get what they want from the place of authority.

Now one thing I love to do with any story in the Gospels, the first four books of the New Testament, is do a quick check if that story is in any other of the four Gospels. This story from Matthew, Mark also tells the “same” story, but a little different. I think this exercise has great things to offer our modern day folks. In an age of misinformation and disinformation, and really a post-modern world, we have to be more grounded with subjectivity and open, not afraid, of two or in the case of the Gospels, four, sides to the story. The New Testament wasn’t afraid of that. There was no assumption that someone had the best and most reliable source. Now I’m not saying, it’s okay to say whatever you want even when it’s literally and factually false. But the reality is, whether I think that’s okay or not okay, plenty of people, people in places of power and authority, are saying all kinds of stuff. I’m saying that we still have the capacity to hear diverse stories and the ability to gain perspective, understanding, and maybe even truth through foggy cracked lenses.

I love finding the discrepancies, or rather differences, between Mark and Matthew. Matthew, you have to understand, his target audience was the Jewish audience. He quotes the Hebrew Bible ( the Old Testament) alongside all his storytelling. You can find Matthew’s own commentary and expounding of the story in the story.

Mark, his style is a bit more succinct, even casual. It’s thought by most of the biblical scholars that Mark probably put down his story first and Matthew, along with other resources, had Mark’s account on hand.

In Matthew, Jesus “went” to the district of Tyre and Sidon and a woman from that district “came out”. Matthew may be upholding Jesus’ honor in some way, by not entering and residing and finding him in compromised soil.

In MARK, it says that Jesus “WENT INTO” the region of Tyre and Sidon and

“He didn’t want anyone to know that he had entered a house, but he couldn’t hide.”

Matthew omits this house part.

And even Mark mentioning that the fact Jesus was in this house was a hush hush thing reveals that Jesus being inside of a Gentile, an enemy’s home is noted but not widely accepted. Matthew changes this story. There’s no house Jesus enters.

And then in Mark, she just begs Jesus to cast out the woman, in a narrative style.

But in Matthew, he quotes the woman saying,

“Show me mercy, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon.”

She starts with

‘have mercy on me’

placing herself lower than Jesus, showing her humility and her placement in the hierarchy of the relationship, which in that context, hierarchy of relationship is important. She calls him

“o Lord, Son of David,”

a proper use of his esteemed title, like calling someone “Oh the Reverend Doctor” and maybe even add a little curtsy. Which is how you should address me. Just kidding. Shh, not a doctor.

I point these discrepancies, sorry I mean, differences, out because in one sense it has implications for what they were trying to say. One might gain that, from Matthew, that the Canaanite woman, in order to be healed, had to assimilate and take on the tradition, the dominant and powerful tradition, in order to gain access and power. She had to leave her land, have the knowhow to call Jesus the right name, not only the knowhow but the willingness to submit herself to a tradition that’s not of her own.

Another reader of Mark, might say, Jesus intentionally and possibly illegally entered the homes of those who were considered foreign and strange. There, he said things like

“Let the children first be fed for it is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.”

in the acceptable ways for others to hear, intentionally, speaking the politically correct speak on purpose, knowing well that he was about to do the opposite of what he just said. Did Jesus really think Canaanites were dogs or was it performance art to those who were watching? I don’t know. But the woman was in the end honored. The difference is that maybe in Matt, he’s pushing a bit more for assimilation, or at least honoring of the old traditions, which isn’t like bad, it’s just his opinion.

In Matthew, Jesus says,

“Woman, you have great faith. It will be just as you wish.”

In Mark, there’s no prerequisite to the healing. Jesus simply refers to her witty remark, a picture of Jesus’ practical theology, saying,

29 “Good answer!” he said. “Go on home. The demon has already left your daughter.”

You see the slight difference?

When I’m talking about Radical Hospitality, this is what I mean. I don’t care how we do it. I don’t care if our philosophy or theology is more like Matthew or Mark. I don’t care if we are the place of power and authority, in a lot of ways our church is resourced and filled with people that have privilege and access. And yet in a lot of ways our church is also filled with many many people that are just like this woman in our text today. The woman who is desperate. Coming out of their territory of distress, crying, shouting to the rest of us,

“this is what’s going on and you need to do something!”

The woman who is begging and yet also teaching us, casting a new perspective on old thoughts, spinning well known wise sayings on its head to include her, to serve her, to save her and her family. Radical Hospitality isn’t about just being more hospitable, but radical hospitality is an upside down business. Radical Hospitality is an upside down business. It’s not just about the center of power and authority beseeching its charity unto those in need. It’s flipping it all on its head and putting the vulnerable, the hurting in the center of the story, letting them flip our script, letting them set the tone, letting them be the main characters, the driving force of the story, putting her faith in the center. Radical Hospitality is about becoming “Wrong” about the whole situation and letting the stranger, the vulnerable speak to the time and listen, making space for that voice to be spoken to tell the truth.

Cause it’s true, that woman, she doesn’t care about religion or politics. She cares about the health of her daughter. She doesn’t care if she’s being called a dog, it’s not important to her. She demands to be fed. She is scrappy and she’ll get it done.

This is a reason why I have really loved the method of doing justice work through community organizing. Because the foundation of community organizing is listening to the stories of those who are struggling.

“What’s the challenge or struggle that you and your loved ones are facing right now?”

is the question we ask in these Listening Session that Faith Into Action has been hosting. For many of us, this is hard. We think, well I’m privileged. I’m okay. There isn’t a story I can really share. But community organizers from GBIO (the Greater Boston Interfaith Organization) that helps and support Reservoir Church to organize our power, their organizer Sneh pushes me to go deeper. No, something is hurting. Maybe it’s not your finances. Maybe it’s not your access to healthcare. Maybe it’s your conscience. Maybe it’s your deeply rooted faith, sense of justice, shalom, and peace and righteousness. Something is not right for you and you’re not doing well. What is your broken, hurting, suffering part in you that is actually the STRENGTH AND THE POWER to move you? Speak that out. Shout that out and turn that into action and you will see the power of healing that can take place!

Because Radical hospitality is an upside down, inside out business. It’s moving out toward others but it’s also moving deeper into yourself.

In the book(The Four Pivots: Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves

by Shawn A. Ginwright PhD

He Talks about this way of doing justice with the first pivot being what he calls the mirror work. I haven’t read the book but one of our members Alicia who currently heads the The Margaret Fuller Neighborhood House (MFNH) which is a nonprofit that was founded in 1902 as a settlement house providing information and services to help immigrants. She showed me the food pantry they run, which you’ll hear more about in a few weeks, and told me about this book. The mirror work is turning the lens through which you see the world, where you see injustice, the wrong in the world and shifting that into a mirror on you to see the injustices right within you. That this is the first pivot you must make to become better activists and collective leaders.

Steve talked a few weeks ago in one of our Radical Hospitality sermon series, titled, ‘Can We Be a Friend to All the Parts of Ourselves?’ where he talked about Internal Family Systems theory from the therapy/psychology world. Meaning, there’s inside, a whole family of actors, right within us, that allows us to approach all the parts of ourselves with compassion and empathy. I’ve also heard that in Family Systems theory that the most problematic person isn’t the problem but the megaphone to the dormant unaddressed problems in the family.

A few weeks ago, one of our very own, Aubrie Hills, who is the Pre/K pastor and a new role in our staff as the Mental and Spiritual Wellness Director this year, taught a Grief Workshop for our community group and other ministry leaders, a training on how to journey alongside those who are grieving in our ministry work. She started the workshop with, Step One:

Question number 1. What is the earliest loss experience you can remember?

Oh C’MON! I came to this workshop to learn how to be there for OTHER people who are grieving. Not take inventory of my earlier loss experiences. In some ways the workshop is still workshopping me right now. She’s going to be running it again in April for the wider public and I promise you, you are going to want to attend this.

Cause the thing is, if you want to be there for others grieving, you’re going to have to grieve yourself FIRST. If you want to do radical hospitality to others, you’re gonna have to radical hospitality yourself, to your most vulnerable, most hurt, move locked in and forgotten selves. Because the kingdom of God is an upside down inside out business. Jesus said the First shall be Last and the Last shall be first. What would it look like to implement this kingdom value in you?

And when you do this, it’s going to feel weird. It’s going to feel like you’re an addict to power. You will sit in a room full of all the internal family members of yourselves, including the older sister you that makes everything run (think Louisa from Encanto) and the crazy uncle you (think Bruno), and your opinions, values, intuition and tendency will keep tipping toward the power and authority of your life that has been in place. It will feel WEIRD to veer that 18 wheeler of life as usual toward a radical change in your internal family systems. It will HURT. Some of them will act out. Just like the -The Laborers in the Vineyard: in Matthew 20, the story Jesus shared to illustrate the Last shall be First concept of the kingdom of God, where, same daily wages were given to workers that came to work 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 5pm. And the 5pm received first and the others were like, EXCUSE me? IT will not make sense.

But listen to little voices. Listen to them. Do you know where they are in the room? Can you place them? What do you think they will say to you? Mine started speaking in Korean to me after that Grief workshop.

I’ll close with this.

That woman reminds me of my mom. A first generation immigrant, who even through her broken English, bothered to always tell people about her life, always starting with, “When I lived in Korea…” And I was embarrassed of her. Embarrassed of my accent, that I got rid of it. I was lying earlier when I said I didn’t care if it’s Matthew’s or Mark’s view of Jesus. I like the Markan Christology to be completely honest. Well, now I do. When I first came to the US, I was like the Matthew Canaanite woman. I picked up, “Yo what’s up” and things like “toodaloo” to assimilate and sound American. Aubrie was telling us in the grief workshop, asking us how we engaged with our earliest loss. My biggest dramatic loss was the loss of Korea. I came to the US and I had to chop off everything back there, and only look ahead.

Aubrie shared this picture with us. Saying that staying connected to the loss in some way is a healthy way to move through grief. And so lately I’ve been re-excavating some chopped off Korean parts of myself. Starting with,

My Korean name is Injung, and I’m still an Instagram addict. (“Hi, Injung”)

Let’s stay connected, to the losses, to the grief, and move about from there to rise up and carry on, stand up and make a change. Let’s stay connected to the most vulnerable in our country right now. We have thousands of know your rights cards available. Take a stack. Drop it off in your local communities. You can join the Listening Session Reservoir Church is hosting for GBIO on Tuesday at 7pm, where you can share your injustice stories, cause that’s where our power lies. Grab a flyer on your way out from some of our Faith Into Action Core team.

If you’re not rooted down, you cannot reach out. I pray that the radical hospitality of our God, the abundant overflowing grace, mercy, and love may work in you and through you. Amen.

Radical Hospitality as Justice Work

Mark 11:12-25

12 The next day, after leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry.

13 From far away, he noticed a fig tree in leaf, so he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing except leaves, since it wasn’t the season for figs.

14 So he said to it, “No one will ever again eat your fruit!” His disciples heard this.

15 They came into Jerusalem. After entering the temple, he threw out those who were selling and buying there. He pushed over the tables used for currency exchange and the chairs of those who sold doves.

16 He didn’t allow anyone to carry anything through the temple.

17 He taught them, “Hasn’t it been written, My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations?[a] But you’ve turned it into a hideout for crooks.”[b]

18 The chief priests and legal experts heard this and tried to find a way to destroy him. They regarded him as dangerous because the whole crowd was enthralled at his teaching.

19 When it was evening, Jesus and his disciples went outside the city.

20 Early in the morning, as Jesus and his disciples were walking along, they saw the fig tree withered from the root up.

21 Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look how the fig tree you cursed has dried up.”

22 Jesus responded to them, “Have faith in God!

23 I assure you that whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea’—and doesn’t waver but believes that what is said will really happen—it will happen.

24 Therefore I say to you, whatever you pray and ask for, believe that you will receive it, and it will be so for you.

25 And whenever you stand up to pray, if you have something against anyone, forgive so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your wrongdoings.”[c]

Let me pray for us.

Holy and Loving God, anoint us with your spirit, let our hearts be filled with your presence now, as we meditate on your word, and listen to our hearts. Give us your grace that we may set aside all that jumbles our minds, and tune our hearts to you. Maybe like the beginning of an orchestra performance, when the instruments tune with one another, even as it starts out like a random cacophony of noises, settle us in, to your perfect tone and sound, which is love, and justice, and mercy, and goodness, tune our hearts to that song I pray. Amen.

This was one of the first stories from the Bible that came to my mind as we began to think about the Radical Hospitality sermon series. Maybe I was just thinking of Bible stories with tables. As Ivy and Steve have been saying in the last few weeks, this is NOT Hospitality, or is maybe one but isn’t the main or best way to do hospitality. That’s not what we’re talking about.

And I’m not talking about THIS either. Apparently this is an AI image of Jesus flipping over the tables. Let’s just say ChatGPT didn’t write this sermon. Cause it would get it wrong, very wrong.

So what are we talking about when we say Radical Hospitality? I think our today’s scripture can show us what radical hospitality is trying to do, trying to accomplish. The WHY behind any radical hospitality.

Now, first of all, it is radical. This story is placed toward the end of the book of Mark. Elizabeth Struthers Malbon, who wrote the commentary on the Gospel of Mark in the Women’s Bible Commentary, called this portion, “The Prelude to the Passion of Jesus.”

By the way, I’m not a gatekeeper, and all my good stuff comes from this book. It’s a big textbook, textbook price too, but it’s so good. Anyways, there’s a sense that Jesus’ work and ministry intensified over time. Another New Testament scholar named, N.T. Wright says this,

“Jesus engaged in it (this flipping the tables event) only as the climax of a whole career of healing teaching, feeding, and simply loving people into God’s new life. And his action led directly to his violent death.”

I’ll be mentioning Malbon and Wright a few more times.

Trust me, I have no intention of radicalizing us to be physical or violent of any sort. So please remember that this is not a one off act of Jesus but a part of an arch of his whole life ministry and work. I do see Jesus’ anger and a resolve to a kind of “this is enough!” about it all.

The story is told in a “sandwich” style, starting with the mention of the fig tree, and then the flipping of the table, and then ending with the fig tree that intends to reinforce and amplify the middle bit with metaphor and symbolism.

The first part really is quite peculiar.

12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry.

13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs.

14 Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.

He wasn’t just hungry. He was hangry, where you’re so hungry that you’re angry. The text clearly says it’s

“not the season for figs”

and so like why is so mad enough to curse the little guy! So extreme! So the lesson here is, don’t let anyone go hungry. I’m kidding but not kidding. And I I know hospitality is not cooking up a storm in the kitchen, but if you don’t know what to do, and you want to do something, not a bad place to start, feed them. Okay, that’s a minor point. The major point to this fig tree sandwich, now I’m getting hungry, is that, Malbon says,

“Holy trees and holy temples were often associated in the ancient world.”

The fig tree represented the temple. Jesus was condemning the temple. Why?

Because the temple wasn’t doing what it was supposed to be doing. You see, to enter the temple, you had to pay the temple tax. The tax, it had to be paid in a particular kind of coinage, so whatever money you brought, there’s an exchange rate here. And people came from all over the area to the temple and what you imagine is right, the exchange rate right at the entrance is the worst. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t exchange your money at the airport when you land! You just use the credit card that you have most points on for travel. Well, not if you have no credit and only some cash, then you get hit with the fees. It really isn’t that different then, or today.

I remember first hearing about this story in seminary. I had grown up hearing this story with the plausible simple direct application of this story to our church, that it was to be a house of prayer, so don’t be doing business here. Like, don’t pass out your private business cards and try to get more clients at church or don’t set up a girls scouts cookies table at the entrance of the church. It’s much deeper than that. It was a whole system of exploitation, upselling, capitalizing on the poor. Another commentary said that,

“Outside doves cost as little as 3 ½ p, (I don’t know what the P stands for, I fell into internet rabbit hole in trying to figure out how much a shekel is worth in modern day but I stopped), inside they cost as much as 75p.”

That’s a ridiculous upsell. And if you brought your own doves, they would surely find something wrong with it, a blemish or whatnot, that would be unfit for sacrifice, leaving you no choice but to buy the 75 price one.

Malbon says this,

“Without the essential activities of changing secular currency for temple currency and procuring approved sacrificial animals, the temple could not serve its function as the sacrificial center for Israel. Jesus’ critique of the temple officials is steeped in Jewish prophetic tradition, echoing Isaiah and Jeremiah. Jeremiah accused the leaders of Israel of taking economic advantage of the poor and unfortunate in their overall dealings with them, then taking refuge in the temple as a robbers’ den (11:17, quoting Jer 7:11)”

One of my favorite things to do when I read the Bible, is to read the footnote! It’s like little secret gems you find!

So she’s getting this form Mark 11:17, where Jesus is explaining why he just flipped the table. He says,

“Hasn’t it been written, My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations?[b] But you’ve turned it into a hideout for crooks.”[c]

You see the [b] and [c], [b] quoting Isaiah 56:7, [c] is quoting Jer. 7:11.

Jesus is quoting the Hebrew Bible, that many of them knew, especially the popular verses by heart. It would have conjured up not only the phrase or the verse but immediately resurrected in their minds Isaiah’s imagination and vision and Jeremiah’s great teachings. It’s a cue. It’s a cross reference point. Bible Study tip, when you see a footnote saying that it’s quoting, go to that verse, and read the whole chapter.

Well that’s what I did. And I’ll just do Isaiah with you guys and I’ll finish up soon.

And you guys when I did, go and read Isaiah 56, I was like, wait, am I writing this sermon or is the sermon writing me?! You ever read something and just have to physically and audibly react to what you just read? Let me read it for us.

This is what the Lord says: I’m just going to read Isaiah 56:1-8

1“Maintain justice

    and do what is right,

for my salvation is close at hand

    and my righteousness will soon be revealed.

2 Blessed is the one who does this—

    the person who holds it fast,

who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it,

    and keeps their hands from doing any evil.”

3 Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say,

    “The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.”

And let no eunuch complain,

    “I am only a dry tree.”

4 For this is what the Lord says:

“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,

    who choose what pleases me

    and hold fast to my covenant—

5 to them I will give within my temple and its walls

    a memorial and a name

    better than sons and daughters;

I will give them an everlasting name

    that will endure forever.

6 And foreigners who bind themselves to the Lord

    to minister to him,

to love the name of the Lord,

    and to be his servants,

all who keep the Sabbath without desecrating it

    and who hold fast to my covenant—

7 these I will bring to my holy mountain

    and give them joy in my house of prayer.

Their burnt offerings and sacrifices

    will be accepted on my altar;

for my house will be called

    a house of prayer for all nations.”

8 The Sovereign Lord declares—

    One who gathers the exiles of Israel:

“I will gather still others to them

    besides those already gathered.”

It starts with,

“Maintain justice! Do what is right,”

and who are the two people groups specifically that Isaiah is talking about? Foreigners and Eunuchs.

Let no foreigner say,

“The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.”

And let no eunuch complain,

“I am only a dry tree.”

Eunuchs are Bible’s rare mentions of people of gender ambiguity or fluidity. I can’t help but think of today’s immigrants who are in fear that they will be excluded and LGBTQIA siblings who are afraid and wondering if they would even be recognized as people. They are right now saying the things that Isaiah specifically painted as God’s vision for justice in which these people will not be saying. That was really hard to say.

So when Jesus is quoting this text, saying,

“my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations,”

this is what he’s conjuring up. This is what it means for the temple, the church, to be a house of prayer for all nations. Just as Isaiah and Jeremiah had done, Jesus was critiquing the exclusionary posture of Israel. They were supposed to be the light of the world. Wright says,

“The Temple had been intended to symbolize God’s dwelling with Israel for the sake of the world; the way Jesus’ contemporaries had organized things, it had come to symbolize not God’s welcome to the nations but God’s exclusion of them.”

Look, I don’t expect nation states or administrations to substantialize Isaiah, Jeremiah, or Jesus’ vision of justice. Although throughout time and even today many run social economical political realms in the name of religious motivations, as did the Temple. Because spirituality is a powerful motivator and shaper of ideologies. I do think that Jesus’s vision for his world was one where the religious center and the political powers and the foreigners, eunuchs, outcasts, the poor all live in harmony.

As Nicholas Wolterstorff, who was the Professor of Philosophical Theology at Yale for decades says in his book Justice in Love,

“Isaiah foresees a day when the Lord will prepare “for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wines, of rich food filled with marrow, of well-aged wines strained clear” (Isa 25:6). He foresees the day when the people “will abide in [habitations of shalom], in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places” (Isa 32:18)

Food. Housing.

Justice. I think that’s Radical Hospitality. Radical Hospitality is justice work.

The wolf will live with the lamb,

the leopard will lie down with the goat,

the calf and the lion and the yearling[a] together

That’s what Jesus was establishing in his context and that’s what we’re called to do.

I felt cautious in conjuring up this story, as some groups of people have taken such acts literally and confused the metaphors and mistaken the core value and purpose of Jesus’ action, inciting violence in public spaces. In fact, Wright points out that

“The word ‘brigand’, in Jesus’ day, wasn’t a word for ‘thief’ or ‘robber’ in the ordinary sense, but for the revolutionaries, whose we today would call the ultra-orthodox, plotting and ready to use violence to bring about their nationalist dreams… The holy brigands who were bent on violent rebellion against Rome – which in Jesus’ view was exactly the wrong way to bring about the kingdom of God – looked to the Temple as the central focus of their ideology. And the guardians of the Temple itself were notorious for their rich and oppressive lifestyle.”

This was printed in 2001. I had recent news images pop up in my head when I read this and checked its print date. So please, don’t storm any house on a hill.

I think the message here is that there is a protest against the system. It reminds me, as we’ve just celebrated MLK Day, the Montgomery bus boycott. Did you know that boycott lasted for 13 months? And actually, they wrote letters and The Women’s Political Council (WPC), a group of black professionals founded in 1946 met with the city council and mayor to seek change in the bus system for a year before Rosa Park’s arrest.

Can you even imagine a 13-month boycott of your main mode of transportation? It was radical because it cost them. And it cut off the money to the power that be. And while it was happening, some may have asked, it’s such an inconvenience to you, why would you do that?

I have a close friend who fosters. She already has 3 kids of her own and she makes 1 extra room for a kid in need. When I talk to her about her experience, there is a part of me that still doesn’t quite understand,

“why do you do this?”

because it makes her sometimes a bit more busy, extra meetings she takes on with social workers, extra time and energy to work with the foster kid’s school, on top of her 3 kids. It’s hard, stressful. And she says that God humbles her to see the love of a child in and through the broken situations and her heart grows even as her hours in the days get shorter.

We’ve been curious and already a few of you have reached out to see how we can house, feed, support, help in real ways to those who might be feeling extra vulnerable. I am so grateful for our church to have such heart. Jesus would not be flipping tables here I think. Cause if we’re not doing that work, Jesus I think would say things like,

“May no one ever eat fruit from you again”

oh he’s direct, he’ll say his piece. Let’s maybe even clear some things that we seem to be so busy with, to make room for the kind of radical hospitality that Jesus calls us to in this temple. Church, let’s really be clear, and hone in, don’t get distracted with business as usual, but flip every rock to see, okay can we do something about this? Can we make room? How can we help? Let’s be the church foreal. Let me pray for us.

Jesus, thank you for your passion that you so embodied in and through your words, your actions, even to your death.

Spirit as Wind and Water

John 3:5-8 (Common English Bible)

5 Jesus answered, “I assure you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, it’s not possible to enter God’s kingdom.

6 Whatever is born of the flesh is flesh, and whatever is born of the Spirit is spirit.

7 Don’t be surprised that I said to you, ‘You must be born anew.’

8 God’s Spirit[a] blows wherever it wishes. You hear its sound, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going. It’s the same with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

Let me pray for us.

God, we come to this space this morning longing to hear a fresh word. Longing to see or feel a glimpse of you. We seek truth, love, peace, and beauty in times that might be darkened with hopelessness and despair for some of us. Show us the power of your spirit even now, as we listen to not my words but our own hearts, the great wisdom within us. Strike a chord in us. We pray that we may hear your song and be glad in it. Amen.

I have a confession. I am a bad Christian. I’m often mad at God, wondering, where in the world God is. Asking questions like,

is any of this real?

I really must be born of the spirit, because sometimes I really don’t know where it comes from and where it is going. I don’t know.

I realize I am a pastor and I’ve just come to terms with the fact that, yes there are times I have been sure that I’ve heard God, felt God, seen God, and those times are very dear to me because there are so many other times when I’m like, where are you? What are you doing?

My image of my relationship with God is often that picture of Jacob wrestling to God. That about sums up my faith if I’m being honest.

What’s your relationship with God like?
What’s your experience with the holy?
How do you relate with the Spirit?

We’re in the Advent season and in a sermon series called Inspire Us, looking at specifically where the Spirit is stirring. This week’s images are Spirit as wind and Spirit as water, ancient words and pictures that have been used to personify and describe the Spirit…such as the spirit hovering over the waters in the creation story as RUACH, meaning wind or breath in Hebrew, or in the New Testament in Greek, the word PNEUMA meaning again breath, spirit, wind.

I actually like this Brick motif in our Advent guide. When I first saw it, I thought it felt a bit hard, blocked. And wondered why this cold grey wall motif for our advent guide during this cold dark winter months. Isn’t advent usually a little bit or red, light, some warmth? But then again, it’s also a bit fitting for how I’m feeling lately. A bit stuck. Walled off.

The devotional for week 2 went like this:

“God is here”

and my spirit responded with, Really? Where? This?

A time when hospitals and schools are getting bombed?
When undocumented immigrants who are simply trying to escape bombs are in fear of being deported back to a country they haven’t lived in 20+ years?
When gay and trans folks are afraid of their marriages, their families, and scrambling for a move to another state or another country that might be safe for them to love who they want to love?

This is God’s work? This is God’s plan? And my spirit rolled my eyes. I told you, I’m a bad Christian, I roll my eyes during devotionals. Cause lately, for some reason, I’ve been feeling a bit discouraged and cynical of God’s justice and reign on earth.

The Advent devotional went on to read,

“The theologian Willie James Jennings has this beautiful line about the geography of God. He writes, (and this is in light golden color) “God is everywhere waiting for us to arrive.”

And I was like, really, everywhere? I’m waiting for you to arrive, God. Where are you? You’re nowhere to be found in this godforsaken place!

Because the on the evening of Wednesday November 6th, the day after election day, after a full day of mourning the loss of what I thought was going to be a movement towards some progress in being able to finally see a woman of color as the president, like she’s not perfect, no party is perfect, especially in a 2 party system, but it just would have been cool to see you know?

And at 6pm, I’m cooking dinner while the kids are playing in the living room. My husband was out of town on a business trip. I got a text from a cousin that I haven’t talked to in a really long time. He said,

hey can we chat when you have time?

I called him immediately.

And he began to tell me about his situation. That he got into a car accident a few months ago. That a taxi ran into him while he was walking. And so his back’s been hurting so much that he had to stop working. He was a pastry chef, making crumble and angel pound cake but he had to quit. And he’s just been laying in bed for a few months. And that he had to spend all his savings to pay for the hospital because the taxi, it’s an “illegal” taxi company that only runs in Koreatown. You see, Koreatown is huge in LA.

If you don’t know, it’s not just one street but a whole neighborhood between downtown LA and west LA. And it’s a bubble where some people are able to get by, if they’re not able to get out. It’s a hub of restaurants, and all kinds of businesses run where you can honestly get by without speaking any English even. It’s been a landing place for many Korean American immigrants. And I realized, it’s where my cousin’s been for probably over a decade now. Where he’s been able to find work as a high school drop out in restaurants.

Why do I feel embarrassed sharing all this, like I’m still in the immigrant Lydia mindset, afraid of how people will see me and my ethnic community in one swoop. Ashamed to tell real stories like this that there’s illegal Korean taxis running around Koreatown LA, and that I have a cousin that’s what they call “undocumented.” Because yes, he came here on a visa and stayed and applied for green card which was a long process and never got one in time and at some point was called “Dreamer” when that was a thing, to be able to apply for citizenship. But one thing led to another where he stayed in America and now it’s been over 15 years without a driver’s license or a passport so he can’t get paid from the illegal taxi company for their damages and he can’t even fly here to Boston to even visit.

Asian American are often melded into the persona of being the “model minority” only to be used against other minorities as “see, they’re good at math and work so hard,” but the story is more complicated than that cause I know I seem fine, but I barely made it out. And my cousin… he’s stuck in limbo. I cried and cried in realizing oh my god, my own cousin is an undocumented illegal immigrant and he’s stuck.

That wall, that grey tall wall of hard cold brick. That’s what it feels like. And the imagination to dream of drawing a beautiful mural feels like to me, what is even the point of drawing a beautiful mural on an abandoned lot no one cares about? What’s even in the point when you’ve hit a dead end. You’re faced with a wall that shuts you out of the system of access to a job, to healthcare, to credit, to housing and you go on to draw a pretty little picture for who for what?

I feel like the woman at the well asking Jesus,

“Where can you get this living water?”

Where is this justice that will roll on like a mighty river, righteousness like a never-failing stream?

The advent guide pressed on with annoying invitations to wonder:

What is stirring love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control in you?

I’m stirring with grief, and sadness, and anger, and disappointment, and hopelessness, and shame, and guilt, powerlessness. I am lacking inspiration to paint a mural cause all I see is hard cold cement that won’t relent.

There’s a picture in the advent guide by the artist named Rob “ProBlak” Gibbs.

It’s not just a “mural” but graffiti. The history behind modern day graffiti art is that it originates from Hip Hop culture. Hip Hop for me has been one of the most formative ways that I’ve become to be awakened to the awareness of being the Other in America. Moving to the United States at nine years old, not knowing any English, I didn’t understand my racial identity and how people saw me. To understand my identity as an Asian American honestly began by taking cues from the Black American culture and Hip Hop being a central way for me.

In a strange way, Hip Hop spoke to me, although I saw no commonality with Black people at first. But then I also remembered my first two best friends in the 3rd grade when I moved from South Korea to Warner Robins, Georgia were two Black girls named Tisha and Ramona who welcomed me and befriended me.

Hip Hop showed me, told me, made me feel that when there’s no way, you make a way with what you got. And is it not only survival but even beautiful and amazing, something you’ve never seen or imagined before, a whole new thing. Graffiti is working with cheap spray paint that was meant to color radiators, making any surface into a canvas. It’s speaking out when there is no platform. It was creating stories and symbols when there were no true Black stories or representation in the media or in the public sphere.

So it just went on and claimed the public sphere. Hip Hop is finding swag in a limp, and rhythm from a bucket can, poetry and literature with nothing but your speech. It’s making a way when there’s no way. You don’t need a dance studio or an art gallery. Everything was on the street. From the streets.

If you have ears to hear, let them hear. If you have the eyes to see, let them see. Art where they “shouldn’t” be. Beauty where they didn’t exist. Holiness and light in the darkness. Graffiti artists didn’t wait for their neighborhood to be beautified by the system. They just went on and did it. At first they were considered “vandalism.” They were illegal. The gritty history of graffiti is sometimes lost with commissioned art or in another sense finally realized and recognized and accepted and honored for what it is.

And so when you see, hear, and experience stories of those who have come before who have found ways when there seemed to be no way, how can you NOT be inspired?

That’s why we need each other. To show each other the way when you feel like there’s no way. We have to inspire one another and say, look, look here.

Hip hop was not just music, it was many art forms, from rap, to breakdancing, fashion, graffiti and so much more. It took many forms for us to showcase the Black beauty that was already all around us.

I lived in San Francisco during my seminary years and in northern California, there’s this beautiful thing that happens almost daily in some neighborhoods. Fog. It’s a very interesting fog. You can see it literally rolling over the mountain and through the Golden Gate Bridge.

I used to live in the Twin Peaks neighborhood where Eugene and I would run together into the fog, not being able to see anything six – seven feet in front of us and it was so mysterious and beautiful. I used to call it a natural fog machine because in the city at night, the mix of the street light and the fog rolling through was just so romantic.

I remember being grateful in seminary for the closeness I felt, like heaven was to the earth, through this fog as it enveloped my surroundings and would show off majestic views like the Golden Gate Bridge as if to unveil a curtain for a final act of a show. Oh I’d make it a backdrop to my romantic comedy, biking over the bridge with Eugene, yelling ahead of me,

“I love you Eugene!!!”

into the fog and he’d scream back,

“I love you Lydia!!!”

If you ever get the chance to visit, you’ll know what I mean, and take a jacket with you cause this fog is the heaviest in the summer. It’s not quite what you picture as “California.”

When you begin to interact with the holiness of the breath and wind and water, you start to see it and notice it everywhere in many different kinds of forms. Like the breath you’re able to take when you finally get better from a cold. Like the shower you take after a long day. Like the rain that comes and how it is amazingly able to wash and cleanse every leaf instantly.

Spirit as wind and water is meant to be a daily reminder, that even if you can’t see it, even if you can’t see the water molecules flying through the air, it’s there. It’s both science and religion. It’s a reality and mysterious. Hidden in plain sight. God is always present. Even I can’t deny or roll my eyes at that, no matter how much I scream with

“God is nowhere to be found!”

cause it’s literally like, yeaaaah you can’t see it, but it’s there. It’s everywhere. Apparently the Earth’s atmosphere contains about 3.75 million billion gallons of water vapor at any given time.

Jesus is giving us the gift of this imagery. That Spirit is like wind and water. Look. Notice. Wherever you see wind and water. From the delicate water stream that cuts through rocks to the vast ocean, it calls us saying,

I am here. I am here.

And the breath, it’s flowing through you right now. With that breath and that breath. God’s divine energy and the power of the holy spirit is flowing through you every second. You are the proof. You are the proof that God exists.

In seminary I also got a tattoo. Because that’s just what you do when you learn cool ancient things.

Jesus Christ in Greek is Ἰησοῦς Χριστός. And Christos isn’t his last name. It means Jesus, the anointed one. Jesus showed us how to be God’s anointed one. And that same spirit that flowed through him flows through us. The first letter of Ἰησοῦς is ‘I, so I took the first letter of Jesus’ name in Greek, like a J Christ. But in Greek it looks like ‘I Christos.

And to me, I meant to tattoo Jesus’s initial and “last name” but also that it has a double meaning, “I the anointed one.” No, I wasn’t have delusions of grandeur thinking that I am the Chosen one, but actually isn’t being Christian kind of having delusions of grandeur to think that we’re God’s children? Even a bad Christian knows this.

You are a living breathing temple of the Holy Spirit. You are the anointed one. Jesus Christ. Lydia Christ. Nancy Christ. Eva Christ. John Christ. Brian Christ. Try it with your name in your head or under your breath. I know it’s weird. But religion is kind of weird.

May you notice the holy breath of the Spirit flowing through you every second of your life and know that it indeed is holy. That you are holy. You have been blessed and anointed. God is not just out there, but right here, really right here, in your breath.

Let me pray for us.

God you have anointed Jesus and have been showing us again and again that you love us and reside in us and have anointed us. Help us to stop looking around asking God where are you, where are you? And to stop and hear in our bodies, that as close as the breath is to our lips, you are there. You are here. And you are here. And you are here. Help us to know you deeply within us and through us, through your anointing we pray Amen.

The Way of Jesus (in Public Life) – With Love

We’re in a sermon series this season, talking about The Way of Jesus, especially in Public Life.

What does that mean?
What does it look like?
What should it or could it look like?

Why does it matter that we engage in (not just a private way) our own lives, our own families, our own salvation or righteousness, but what would it mean to live and move in Christ-like way, especially in the ways we engage the world around us in a public way? It’s alongside in this American election season. So engaging in politics, but not only that, is in question for us, but also our communities, our towns, our school, our work, our fields and so much more. Because the fact of the matter is, we’re not an island, yeah. We are deeply interconnected, we know this, so we have no choice.

As I share, I have invited my artist friend Cara to do her art live with me. She uses newspaper collages to create what I see as often public spaces, so I just wanted to co-create with her this moment today, as I talk about engaging in public life and as she creates art with newspapers. I wanted to invite some art, beauty, creativity, and live action public work of art during my sermon today.

Let me pray for us to get us started.

Jesus we invite you now to sit with us, to show us your way, to give us your wisdom, to know your heart, that we may be your hands and feet in the world we pray Amen.

My little girl started Kindergarten this year, and I have many feelings about that. But it has thrust me into this greater community right in my town, a whole elementary school of kids ranging from Kindergarten to 5th grade, and their families, and the public school system and so forth. It feels like she grew up overnight. She used to be my baby but now she’s going out into the world!

One day she came home from school a few weeks ago, and started reciting the pledge of allegiance. I was like oh right, it’s a public school, they would do something like this. But it was strange to hear my 5 year old go

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, invisible, with liberty and justice for all.

I was astounded that she had memorized it already, so proud of her, and I too still remembered every word from school days even though I probably haven’t recited it in a few decades.

As she kept repeating it, I finessed it with her. Indivisible. She asked,

What does indivisible mean?

Sigh, it means it’s not able to break up into different parts. It’s together.

What does liberty mean? It means freedom, like everyone’s free to be themselves.

What does justice mean? It means doing the right thing, but not just for you but for everybody.

And I thought about how the United States of America is not indivisible but in fact so divided politically. How more and more women are losing the freedom to do what’s best for their own body and family, and how justice is something that we continually have to fight for, for housing justice, racial justice, economic justice.

She kept saying it over and over again.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

And then my 3 year old says

I pledge allegiance

normal

Under God

With love

Normal, God, with love. Ooh I’d like to pledge allegiance to that too! I loved that.

And I think that’s a pretty good addition. With love.

Because I think to follow in the way of Jesus into public engagement with the world means to do it with love. Because,

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b” Galatians 5:14

In Mark 12:30-31

Jesus said

30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a]

31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”

The first commandment is Love the Lord your God. The second is Love your neighbor. And I think there’s a third commandment right snuck in there that we often don’t discuss enough, “as yourself”, meaning, love yourself.

That the wisdom is that in order for us to rightly love our neighbor well, we must know and do it in a place of deep love for ourselves first. And today to talk about “the public life”, strangely enough, I’m going to start with the place where it starts, the self, the “as you love yourself.”

I know you know this, yes yes, I love myself of course. I’m quite selfish Lydia, you don’t need to preach to me twice about loving myself. We need to learn in church how to love others and serve others.

I actually think that in church we’ve often focused on serving others especially in some of our Christian traditions of being missional that we’ve gotten some things mixed up in there. We performatively love others, help others, serve others, because it’s the commandment, the right things to do, as a fuel and credit to us externally, rather than it being the other way around, where we love ourselves to fully and authentically that love for others fuels out of that naturally. And so we get burnt out. Resentful.

We help others going, you see God, I’m doing my part, I’m serving you, I’m being a faithful servant right? When in actuality, our service should come out of a generous luxury of knowing that you are an heir to the throne. God never wanted hard working soldiers of the Lord, we overemphasized that metaphor, to be the defenders of the Word, when what we were meant to be is closer to that image from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe the children’s story by C.S. Lewis, beloved children that are kings and queens.

I’ve been learning through my community organizing work through GBIO (The Greater Boston Interfaith Organization) in the past few years, there’s this thing the organizing world talks about, to raise leaders in organizing, we do 1-1’s and in 1-1’s one of our goals is to, tap into their self-interest. That’s right, Self interest. That’s been a real interesting thing for me because I grew up denying myself, picking up my own cross, dying to myself so that Christ in me can live. As good Christians we were taught to be selfless. Self-interest sounds like a dirty word to me.

In a book called Doing Justice: Congregations and Community Organizing by Dennis A. Jacobsen, he says that,

“church people, trained in the art of destructive self-denial, tend to identify self-interest with selfishness and thus see self-interest negatively as implying self-centeredness, egotistical behavior, narcissism”

and so on. He says that Organizers see self-interest as a relational concept to be distinguished from the non relational concepts of selfishness and selflessness. Here’s what he means.

He says,

“Selfishness is egocentric, self-obsessed, small-minded, neglectful of others and greedy. The selfish person is emotionally truncated, antisocial, and incapable of developing genuine relationships. We are clear about the deficiency of people who act selfishly. No one wants to be around them.”

“We are less clear about selflessness. “He never thinks of himself”

is, after all, widely considered to be a compliment. We consider selfless people to be saintly, humble, kind, loving, and generous. But we also do not admire a human doormat.

“She lets others walk all over her”

is a derogatory statement. So also is the observation:

“He doesn’t have a clue who he is”

“she has no idea what she wants in life.”

In reality, say organizers,

selfless people tend to be perpetual victims and/or do-gooders who operate on the basis of manipulation and do not know how to create mutuality in their relationship.”

I’m quoting a lot but he just explains it better than I can. He goes on to say,

“Organizers view self-interest as the only true way of relating to another person because self-interest respects the two sides of the relationship. Selfishness denies the “other” in the relationship. Selflessness denies the “self” in the relationship. Self-interest honors both the “self” and the “other” in the relationships. Organizers say that to know your self-interest, to declare your self-interest, and to act on your self-interest is an act of political courage.”

He mentions that many women were often taught to put the needs of men before their own. That church folks learning self-interest require considerable reorientation, introspection, dialogue, and agitation. Do you feel some of that as I’m talking to you about self-interest right now? Maybe even some detachment, boredom, or critique? That’s alright, that’s good, that’s a part of the process. I like it. Stay with me.

More quotes from this guy, cause he gets personal,

“The summons of Jesus to self-denial seems on the surface to be diametrically opposed to self-interest. And those Christians in the pulpit and in the pew who live theologically on the surface have mastered the art of self-denial. Their lives have become one long sacrifice. Clergy often become so driven by the desire to be of service to others that they are in constant disservice to themselves. Many pastors are addicted to work and to the praise of their congregants, without any truly intimate relationships, rarely at home with their families. My first marriage ended in divorce, in part because of my habitual “self-denial” as a pastor. I allowed the church office to be in the front room of the parsonage. I welcomed street alcoholics at the front door and the homeless into a spare bedroom. At one point I invited a violent ex-con who had violated his parole to hide out for several weeks in the parsonage. I thought I was denying myself and taking up the cross. My wife had a more realistic appraisal of what was going on.”

The message of self-denial was never meant to be about denying your true self, but to deny the self ego. And most of us, many of us, actually aren’t in constant awareness of our true self and that’s why in prayer and mindfulness practice, we have to sift through so much of our own initial voices to get to the truth of our inner spirit. It is not quick and easy work but a deep spiritual work to deeply know ourselves, to ask what really, I mean really is my self interest, and it probably isn’t the first three things that pop into your head.

You see, affirming of the self, real love for the self, is an ongoing holy work that is and should be baked into the basis of all our righteous/justice work. Knowing that before you were sinners, that God created us in the image of God, and said you are good. And just rested on the seventh day just to enjoy you and not do any work, to model just the basking of God’s good creation and enjoying and fighting the need to fix yourself or fix everything all the time. Just rest. You good! And out of that place, we go back to our creative just public works.

Earlier this week I was at a gathering for a grant I received through Leadership Education at Duke Divinity. Fifty of us were gathered from all over the country to reflect together and learn about change leadership and what it takes to pivot organizations. I met so many fascinating folks that inspired me, intimated me, lifted me up and down, and drained me. And I thought about the work of my friend Bonnie through her organization Route One where she takes volunteers into strip clubs to connect and support the women working there. Or when I heard stories from a former lawyer who’s now lobbying and advocating against capital punishment. And so many more I won’t list off but that are each boldly leading in the public sphere with work that is specific to their own individual passion and gifts. And the grant that we all received was specifically to figure out, that as leaders, what is it that’s going on internally and how do we find that inner wisdom, discernment, and strength to carry our respective organizations to the next level.

One guy I met, Josue, who is the Director of Black Lives & Contemplation at the Center for Spiritual Imagination, he told me his work is about contextualizing contemplative practices, which many of us in the Christian faith have been rediscovering but often in white contexts that have filtered actually eastern meditative practice roots into Christian contemplation that looks very quiet and still. Josue reminded me that James Baldwin was a contemplative, and about Howard Thurman’s method of “centering down,” that seeing people of color and afro cultures as simply loud is actually racist, that his work excavates and reclaims the contemplative practices of the afro/latin cultures.

As he spoke about his reality, his context, and his work and trajectory, it rose up in me my reality, context, and work of contextualizing my faith with my identity and culture, decolonizing my theology and reclaiming my own spiritual traditions and roots, like finding the Gi (the Chinese call it Chi, the flowing energy) in the Holy Spirit. And when I preached on it a few years ago, it’s one of the most referred sermon that I get from folks when I have met many of you. Such beauty in us affirming ourselves and loving ourselves and finding ourselves and actually there is the place of beauty in which we are able to rightly engage in public life.

So it was with Jesus in Mark 6:30-32, it says,

The apostles gathered around Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves.

Jesus did all he did because he had the desert time. Because he knew who he was in the eyes of God. He was able to heal, and preach, and teach because he knew the voice that said to him,

“You are my son, in whom I am well pleased.”

Why would you care about the women in the strip clubs?
Why would you care about capital punishment, to the point that the family of the man on death row is texting you daily?
Why would you care about Black spirituality?
Why do you think I care about Housing Justice?

It’s all actually a very very private matter when you really hear where it came from.

Our social justice ministry at our church, called Faith Into Action, we are just coming off of a big Housing Justice Campaign. Look, I’m still trying to figure out what community organizing is, self-interest, they also talk about power a lot, which is also a mixed up thing as someone who was raised in the church. One of the organizers really motivated me, coached me, and really drew me out as a leader. You know how he did that?

He didn’t tell me how impressive the work was, or how much need there was. He kept asking me,

why do you care? Why do you show up? Do you want to do this, really? Why do you want to do it? What’s coming up for you?

His coaching, motivating, and raising me to a leader method was all just about me and making me talk about myself. It was almost annoying, organizers call it agitation, like I’m trying to do social justice, why do you keep asking me about me?

One of the Housing Justice Campaign MVP’s, is a woman named Arlene. She’s a tenant of a public housing in Brookline. She shared her testimony, her story again and again at senate hearings, actions, to media outlets, in meetings with the Governor, you’ve heard her story if you’ve come out to any of the housing justice action. She grew up in an abusive home, went through foster homes, has been homeless, and when she got a place in that public housing, where she could shut that door and no one could come in to hurt her…I cried every time I heard that story of hers. Not exactly my story but it brought up things for me that were very personal, so much so that I showed up for that campaign for a year as an organizer. And I led, out of my own self-interest and co-chaired an action with 1,700 people gathered. The result, we had a big win with $2 Billion going toward public housing.

Why do you do what you do?
What do you care?
Why do you show up to your kids’ school?
Why do you see economic injustice in our city planning?
Why is food insecurity important to you?
Why do you give money?
Why do you vote?
Why do you protest?

Tap into your why and there’ll be so much more power in what you do. That’s why we’re doing listening sessions to share and listen.

You cannot bypass self-interest conversation or awareness about your own story to doing social justice work.

You cannot bypass the work of reflection in knowing truly who you are and what you want and achieve great impact.

You cannot bypass loving yourself as you love your neighbor and engage in a healthy way in public life.

Because if you do so, you will not know why something is pissing you off, you will not have the energy to go on when challenges come, you will not be strong enough when the enemy attacks you, you will not know why you are moving and busy and tired all for what.

Get yourself right before you go public. You’ve got to. This is the Way of Jesus in Public Life. I don’t need to give you a theology of service and mission. The centrality of the Gospel is this, that God loves you, you, not productive you or efficient you, but just you, exactly you, as you are and your story, everything that made you exactly you are now.

So what is that?
Do you know who you are?
If you could see what God sees in you?

Meditate on that first and then love your neighbor.

Let me pray for us.

God our creator, one who birthed us from your love. Help us to go back to the place when we sat at your feet and meditated on you. Then push us out into the world with clarity for what you want for not just me personally but my community, my town, our country, our world. Help us to see that abundant overflowing love you have for us, and to know that so deep and in a real way that we can’t help but see that same one love you have for that sibling on the other side of the world that I’ve never met, for that family member that seems a million miles away from me politically, that same oneness of the holy spirit for the stranger on the street. Remind us of that one love again and again. we pray, in his precious and holy name, Amen.

We Are Reservoir: Values Everyone

I moved to Boston for this job here at Reservoir Church from San Francisco about seven years ago. At that time, I knew only a few things about Reservoir Church.

1. That it was a church that affirms LGBTQIA folks.
2. That they were specifically seeking out a person of color to join the pastoral leadership team.

And honestly, that’s all I needed to know at that point in my life. A church that likes the gays also usually affirms and respects women. Because there are plenty of churches that blatantly say women or gays are not allowed to be in leadership (and plenty more that’ll never say it explicitly but string you along to do all the service, work, help but never leadership or vision or teaching), so this was critical to know for me.

We’re in a new school year, also in church world a new ministry year…as a time of starting things anew, a new school, new program, maybe for some of you, new city, new church. But, also for the old timers and those who have been here a few months to a year or so, it’s a good time for us share with one another who we are – Reservoir Church, what we are doing here, and why we do ’em like that. So we’re in a brief short sermon series called “We Are Reservoir.” And, as Steve said to our staff earlier this week, this series is less about the “sermon series” but it’s more about everything we do, what we do, that makes us who we are.

To display who we are, today I’ll focus on one of our values: Everyone.

Everyone is one of our core values that you’ll find on our website under Vision and Values. FYI, our Vision statement is:

We find Jesus utterly compelling and believe that a life connected to him simply has more—joy, hope, wholeness, and vitality. We envision a day when many in North Cambridge and Greater Boston (and I think the world since we’ve started online worship) are connecting with Jesus and our church in deep ways and absolutely thriving as a result. We also seek to be a physically, emotionally and spiritually safe place. (I love that last sentence)

Our Core Values include Connection, Everyone, Action, Freedom, and Humility. Like I said, we’re not going to go through all of them in our sermon series but Steve, Ivy, and myself are going to touch on aspects of them. For me today, mainly Everyone. You can read more about the rest on our website.

For Everyone, it says:

We seek to welcome people in all their diversity, without condition or exception, to embrace a life connected to Jesus and others.

The key word here is all. And the language is “seek to welcome.” It’s not forced, there’s no prerequisite, it’s not the end all be all or else, it’s a longing and an invitation. It’s not passive but it’s not aggressive either. Seek to welcome.

Here’s a practical way it shows up in our worship.

Have you guys noticed the words that we say when we’re doing communion? It’s kind of casual, and no strict liturgical wording that’s set but we always say something along the lines of, “everyone’s welcome to the table.” This really messed with my Presbyterian upbringing, that was strict about “crossing the line of faith” or “baptized into the family.” Because what did that really mean?

What about the folks that didn’t “cross the line” or not baptized, then are they not family? And that might be one of the “craziest” things about Reservoir in my opinion. For membership, we say, “You belong before you believe.” I have no idea where that line is from. But it’s doubling down on the Everyone value. Baptism is not a prerequisite to membership, an invitation maybe but not a must. And I’ll tell you, many many churches would lose their shoes over this.

Because the thing is, I remember having this question when I was young, a teenager. If they are not believers of Christ, if they are not baptized, all those people, are they going to hell?

Back in 2011 a book by Rob Bell came out that did some sifting of our core theologies in the church circles. It’s called Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived. It caused some kind of ruckus. Because essentially the book concluded in one sense, that there is no hell. To which many many people got offended and really caught up on. Now I’m not going to fully get into it. It’ll become a really boring sermon.

I’m pretty sure there’s a Reservoir blog post about this somewhere, and if you’ve been around long enough, you might know the gist of how we approach the theology around hell and brimstone. If you’re new, and right now offended or confused, that’s okay, you’re gonna be okay, let’s give it time and talk it through. I won’t answer all your questions in one sermon. (Sermons often never do but relationships and meals and coffee and texting actually does, in a real meaningful way!!!) I think the sermon’s job is to jab. I’m just poking you guys. And then you guys need to work it out in your community, perhaps at a table. A Beloved Table possibly?

Look. There are biblical textual interpretations that point to our modern day concept of heaven and hell being wildly different from the biblical ancient near east’s understanding of it. But furthermore I think it is shocking to some of us to hear things like,

“maybe our understanding of hell is not exactly what it is”

because for so long, many church and Christian books and theology pounded this hell notion into us. And lastly, I think it touches upon our real sense of justice- that there is right and wrong, and good and bad, and heaven and hell. Although I think it might be a surface level or the first step towards recognizing justice.

Our world is shifting to get at the sophistication of this concept too. I remember back in the day superhero stories or children stories were more black and white. The hero saves and the evil is defeated. And I read more modern day superhero books or watch the shows and they curve the story of the “evil villain” towards a moment of learning and/or our understanding of their motives nowadays.

Spidey defeats the evil Green Goblin! And Green Goblin was just trying to steal the books from the library so he could learn more. Or like the musical Wicked, we get the back story, the compassionate story of the struggle of the evil Wicked Witch of the West. I love me a back story of a witch. Because it turns out, hurt people hurt people.

And yet it’s easier, simpler, to villainize them and say, they are bad. They need to be punished. But that is not the way of Jesus.

In all the stories of Jesus interacting with people, they all had somewhat tainted reputations. They all failed in some way. They all were not enough or lacked something. They were sinners. Or rich rulers that took advantage of their people. They were Pharisees or from a foreign land like Ethiopia. But the Bible shows that again and again, every one of them is claimed and loved. We know that right? That God’s love is big and grand. But I do think it’s harder in practice. Because your initial child-like sense of justice screams when you see bad people getting away with it, we cry like a child, “It’s not fair!”

This was especially hard for me when I began to be awakened to racial injustice, sexual violence, gender discrimination, and economical inequality. Things that are not just “issues” but actually touched my life personally and the people closest to me. And in the beginning of such an awakening journey, you start finding someone to blame. The perpetrator, the system, your parents, really anything to blame. I remember in my own healing journey from sexual abuse, I journeyed alongside a book called The Wounded Heart, which is such such such a good book. If you’ve experienced sexual abuse, please check out this book by Dan Allender, The Wounded Heart.

I’m not going to say this lightly, please understand, it’s not an easy journey, it’s definitely not forgive and forget. But there was a moment in my healing journey that I (out of my own volition, not because anyone told me to, because if they did, that would be insensitive and triggering), I imagined my abuser standing in church, holding the communion plate, and wondering what it would feel like for me to go up and receive communion from this man. This sick, horrible man that really really hurt me. That God loves him, and even welcomes him. Does that make God a sick God?

If we really try to understand the expansiveness of God’s love, it should offend us.

Even him?
Even them?
Do you know what they’ve done?
Do you know the damage they’ve caused?

God does. And God loves all. It knocks on our knee jerk justice, but God’s justice is greater than our justice. Yes, even those people.

I’m going to make a hard pivot to Universalism. Cause I don’t have a lot of time left.

Christian universalism is a Christian theological school that believes all people will be saved and restored to a relationship with God. This doctrine is based on the belief that a loving God would not condemn some people to eternal punishment.

And sometimes universalism is super annoying. Cause it’s like. Oh everyone, everything, whatever, anything! It feels wishy washy. It doesn’t feel like it has any grip on anything and can even sometimes feel extremely naive.

My parents came to visit me a few years ago. They are strict Presbyterians. And we have a pretty good relationship these days. They love talking to me about church and ministry. But we also know that we have some differences. They asked me to pray for one of our family meals. I prayed and then at the end, I simply said,

“Thanks God. Amen!”

And we all ate. On the last day of their trip my mom said,

“I need to talk to you about something. When you prayed, you didn’t say ‘In Jesus Name.’”

Now my parents are more traditional and I know that. I was annoyed as their daughter that this is the last thing they want to talk to me about, calling me out on wording in prayer. I was offended but I’ve done some maturing in how to engage conversations like this. I said my piece,

“Yeah, I do believe that Jesus connects us to God, but I also am not strict on the magic words, so sometimes I say it, sometimes I don’t. I think God always hears us.”

It was a healthy discussion.

You see, when universalism goes too far, it can feel like the words are just going to fall flat on their faces, just as my parents felt that fear. But what I really think universalism is doing is fighting against the strict particularity and the confidence in that if we do it this way, if we only do it this particular way, we’re doing it right. Because it’s been frankly abusive and presumptuous, we have to say these words, with these people, at this time, in this manner, for this reason.

It lacks the freedom and humility (the other values we have), and it lacks creativity too! And yes, it is harder. It is easier to say, it has to be done this way, for all people, at all times. Yes it’s harder to journey with, what, you’re dating someone who practices Buddhism, what you’re reading about tarot cards, what you love Oprah, oh no they are on slippery slopes! They’re falling away from the faith, NOOOOO!!!

To embrace a life connected to Jesus and others, we don’t say in fear, don’t listen to non-Christian music. And don’t read any other books from other religions. Because we’re not possessive. God is not possessive. This jealous God thing, it’s like kind of cute when a boyfriend is jealous, but it’s not cute when your husband is jealous.

Jealous God is not a thing. God is not petty. God loves. God trusts. God cares. And no matter what you do, God will always pursue you in every way possible. And many of us, a lot of us at this church believe that Jesus is that persuasive and compelling and beautiful way and that Holy Spirit is accessible and powerful to you now.

But do we know for sure that it’s the only way? We honestly don’t and we never will and that’s just being human. And people get bent up on text like, but Jesus said,

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Look, it only says this in John. Not Matthew, not Luke, or Mark. And John was the most poetic guy ever!

“In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God.”

It’s not meant to be taken literally. Again, I won’t go into it, ooooh why do I feel so pressed for time today? But there’s debate whether or not Jesus really said this, or if it’s a mistranslation, or that it might be impossible to translate idioms. Maybe it was a hyperbole. I’m not trying to debunk the statement I’m just injecting humility into us, but really, catapulting us to the expansive love of God.

I saw this awesome post on Instagram by Bri Rivera, our youth group director, she’s amazing. It was a quote by Richard Rohr that says,

“A mature Christian sees Christ in everything and everyone else. That is a definition that will never fail you, always demand more of you, and give you no reasons to fight, exclude, or reject anyone.”

Everything and everyone. Even non-Christians! Non-believers!

Wider is God’s love than the ocean. Small are our minds, even our greatest minds. Wider is God’s grace and mercy that covers all.

Cause when you really begin to do that, do you know what happens? When you come to a place when you feel like you did the worst thing, you made a huge mistake, you feel unworthy, you will know and be familiar with the concept of unconditional love and grace for them, and for you, yes even you.

When I really let that person down.

When I feel extremely depressed that I can’t do anything or function, I’m useless and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

When I can’t keep a job.

Or find the right person.

When I keep pushing people away and no one chases after me.

When I feel so alone, please know that Everyone, includes you.

Paul said this in

1 Timothy 1: 12-17

12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service.

13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.

14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.

16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

He calls himself the worst. Do you ever feel that way? You don’t have it all right? Maybe you’re not the best Christian, you go in and out of faith you say, an on and off church goer. Doesn’t matter, I’m sorry, God is always with you no matter where you go, even in the depth,

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalms 139:7-10

If you know this, then let’s practice it in our community. Everyone. Really practice that everyone Richard Rohr was talking about. That might mean going to your edge. Someone who’s not like you, who you don’t understand, who you can probably assume that your lives are so different that you speak different languages. Go to them and engage in Christ love. Invite them to your community group. Invite them to an awkward relationship with you because you’re awkward and you don’t know how to talk to people that’s wildly different from you.

Go to your edge and take action (another value! It’s like Reservoir values bingo today!), take the action of including, affirming, loving, and caring. And point them to Jesus, not forcefully, affirm who they are, their culture, their diversity, their uniqueness, what they are going through, who they are, and say, yes and, check this out. Look at this shiny thing I’ve found, I love it, wanna hear about it? If it works for you. No pressure.

You’re welcome and invited, just as you are, in all your complexity, without condition or exception, to embrace a life connected to Jesus and others. That’s what we seek to do here at Reservoir church. And if you want to, you’re invited to membership to do the thing with us as an invested, committed, taking ownership, like a co-op. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But also let’s do this together intentionally and strategically.

That’s what We Are Reservoir is saying. So yeah if you want to join as a member, just talk to one of the pastors, reach out. I’m thrilled about what we do here. Look, it’s hard out there, to find a church, but really there’s a really good thing going on here, not the most right way or the only way, but I’m just telling you, you might love it. I do. We’re really lucky to have this community and one another. Thank you guys, for being a wonderful church to be a pastor at. You are Reservoir and I love it. Okay I’m done. Let me pray for us.

Calling of the Sea, The Bewildering Call of God

People sometimes ask me

“how did you decide to become a pastor?”

It’s a big question. I’m always wondering, hmmm, which version do they want? Because as you might guess, it was a series of events that built on one another. It was a season of discernment, of being uncertain, of questioning, of wanting and wondering.

Because how can you be sure that you’re being called by God?
How does one hear or know this “sense of calling” as they say in the ordained ministry world?
How do you hear God’s voice?

This is a question that I’m very curious about, how does one hear or experience God. Even though I have personally experienced it, I’m so curious how others experience it. Like, I want details. When people tell me things like,

“there was a time in my life when I felt really connected to God.”

I’m like, when, how, what did that look like. They’d say,

“Well when I pray…”

and I’d say,

“what time of the day, like on a couch or on a bed? Do you kneel or journal?”

Have you been called by God?
Maybe not into ordained ministry but to something?
Have you heard from God directly and convincingly, even as it might’ve felt fleeting and mysterious?

I want to talk about calling today by taking a look at a call story from the Bible, there’s many, but I picked the call story of Mary Magdalene. And I’ll share a piece of my calling experience. And Moana’s, yes the Disney princess. And see if there’s any themes or movements that might help take us through an experience of a calling. What that looks like, feels like. That might even help us recognize not only the big calling for big changes, but even small little gentle callings of God’s holy voice in our everyday lives and how to pay attention, listen, and move through them.

Let me read for us from the Bible, a story of the calling of Mary Magdalene, not when she first met Jesus but after his death and after his resurrection, when she re-encountered the resurrected Jesus. It comes from

John 20:11-18.

11 But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look[a] into the tomb;

12 and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet.

13 They said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’ She said to them, ‘They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.’

14 When she had said this, she turned round and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus.

15 Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? For whom are you looking?’ Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.’

16 Jesus said to her, ‘Mary!’ She turned and said to him in Hebrew,[b] ‘Rabbouni!’ (which means Teacher).

17 Jesus said to her, ‘Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.”’

18 Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’; and she told them that he had said these things to her.

I want to highlight 3 movements that happen in this story that I resonate with, and that I think could often happen in a calling story.

1. Confusion. 2. Recognition. 3. Announcement

First, confusion. Confusion and also sadness.

I grew up in the church and there was this thing that many of my friends in my subculture went through. The last night of the youth group retreat when you give your life to Jesus. Trigger warning, as some have mixed experiences of possibly manipulated moments from these kinds of environments – but I mention it because I think some of those experiences also capture and reveal some real felt feelings.

So growing up, our youth group would have a weekend retreat at a retreat center. Through the weekend we’d play games, worship, do skits, just hang out, whatever. But on the last night, we’d all gather around campfire at night, and we’d just sing and sing praise songs in the dark, mixed with prayer from the pastor, and you’d be invited, like an alter call to give your life to God. I always found that it was interesting that we would all end up crying. There was, admittedly, some toxic theology, looking back, about shame, and guilt, and sin, and also I do think (when you really get very very honest with God and with yourself) there is a release of emotions. Of things that you were managing to hold together, like lies you told to your parents, wrong things you’ve done to your friends, or something bad you did even when you knew it was bad to do. On this last night of retreat, you could let it all go, and there’s liberation and lots of tears.

Mary of Magdalene (by the way Magdalene is not her last name but that’s most likely a description of her origin, Mary from the town of Magdalene), was probably just simply sad because her good friend and teacher had just died. But I did want to point this out because I think that is often sometimes the moment we find God. When we’ve had a great loss, and there’s some open space or room, a need to hear from God. Now I’m not saying we all experience this exactly the same. Again, I’m just using a few stories of Mary, me, Moana, to draw broad strokes to see if it resonates with us. But a state of confusion, filled with sadness sometimes is an opening to a holy moment.

In my call story, I was also in a time in my life when I felt lost. I was in a new city, San Francisco, moved up there after college for a job, working a job that was grueling and unsure if I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t know many people and felt uncertain about my identity in my mid-twenties. I had not been going to church at the time, probably for a few years, and after feeling somewhat lonely, I decided to check out a church one Sunday morning.

I heard a sermon on the woman with the alabaster jar, a Bible story of another woman, apparently a sinful woman touching and anointing Jesus’ feet with her expensive perfume and her tears. From the beginning of the sermon to the end of that worship service, I soaked my little paper worship bulletin I had held in my lap. I identified myself with the woman, who Jesus said,

“loves much because she has been forgiven much.”

That Sunday thrust me into a whole season of my life, I think probably about three – four months where I needed to keep connecting with God every night before bed with some scripture reading, journaling, and prayer time. A thing that I grew up calling it “Quiet Times,” when you are supposed to spend quiet time with God every day – that I never did regularly with much shame and guilt for never doing it, like a bad Christian does, that was me. But these months, I did it not out of obligation or duty but because I just needed to make sure and confirm and re-confirm that I in fact had heard God in that one sermon. A devotional book accompanied me through this time called “My Utmost for High Highest” By Oswald Chambers. It had a bible text, a short reflection paragraph for each day of the year and I read every single one.

On August 5th, it read like this:

Title: The Bewildering Call of God

Scripture text: “…and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished.”…But they understood none of these things… —Luke 18:31, 34

Reflection reads:

God called Jesus Christ to what seemed an absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be a failure from human’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as human’s purpose.

(it continues) This bewildering call of God comes into our lives as well. The call of God can never be understood absolutely or explained externally; it is a call that can only be perceived and understood internally by our true inner-nature. The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance— they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes.

I felt like I understood none of these things. I was a disaster. I was a failure. When I read the words,

“The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him.”

I remember my breath both quickening and deepening at the same time. Like you’re trying to swallow something bigger than you’re supposed to. Like looking out to a vast ocean and feeling it all. How the waves both beckon you and scare you at the same time.

I pictured a sea man on a boat. Free and wild. A little dirty and haggard, and maybe no one else understands why he would choose to live on a boat. But he’s happy. He feels free.

You know how when you go to the beach with a group, there’s always that one person who jumps into the water? It doesn’t matter if it’s cold or no one else is going in. They have to go in. I’m that person. I don’t know why – I’m not even a good swimmer, and the ocean frankly scares me. But I have to go in. This is how I felt God call me into ministry.

In the midst of confusion, sadness, all the emotions from guilt to freedom, and then I believe comes a moment of recognition. I love how for Mary, it takes her a while. She sees the angels; she doesn’t get it. She’s weeping, and they’re like,

why are you crying?

And she’s like

I don’t know where Jesus is!

Jesus comes out, she still doesn’t get it. And Jesus is like

why are you weeping,

(there’s a lot of why questions during a calling, okay?) and she’s like,

well if you took him, tell me where he is!

But then, in an instant, Jesus calls her name and she hears it clearly, recognizably, and in that moment she knows. She completely knows.

In my confusion, some things for very strange reasons felt so very clear. Especially when it didn’t make any sense. It shouldn’t have made any sense, and yet, it made all the sense. Which is how my closest friends and family responded when I first told them that I was going to seminary to become a pastor. The initial confusion, (what?) and then like it all made sense to them, (oh. I see.). I’m not all too sure what that means but I’ll take it. It’s like my life flashed before them and then God covered it with grace right before their eyes.

And what I loved most about what I read in that August 5th devotional, was that it also was misunderstood by everyone else. It said that it was an internal thing. And it sure was. A lot of guys were confused, how I, a girl, was going to be a pastor. Was I going to seminary to find a husband or to become a Sunday school teacher? When I said no, they were utterly confused. Yeah, I know! Crazy to think! But it was like that back in my day! It was wild and crazy to think a little ‘ol girl could lead or teach or preach or guide people. Wild right?

And that’s why I love the modern day Disney princess stories of not only falling asleep and waking up to kiss a prince but seeking, venturing, taking action, and going against the tide. The movie Moana made my heart swell. I often get the sudden urge to just run and stop dramatically and sing, “I Am Moana!” I’m pretty sure I’ve done that in another sermon, another illustration right here not too long ago.

Confusion, Recognition, and Announcement.

You see, for Moana too, even as she felt this strong calling, it was often conflicting for her. Her community was confused and her father disagreed with her. She wasn’t sure of herself, why she felt this longing. But there was just something absolutely sure, that she could not deny, she ran back to the water again and again because,

“It CALLLS~~~~ me!”

And lastly, the other scene I love from Moana is when she discovers the true story of their people, she runs back to her community saying,

“we were voyagers!”

She can’t help herself, the excitement. And so she moved from confusion, to recognition of her calling and then to announcement. Sorry, spoiler alert, they were voyagers.

Mary did this too.

“Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’; and she told them that he had said these things to her.”

But also, right before that, I want to note and point out Jesus saying to her,

“Do not hold onto me.”

Sorry, in my 2nd point, Recognition, there is an addendum I’d like to add. It’s fleeting. The holy voice comes and then it goes. It’s not something you can freeze and lock down and keep in a museum.

There are many holy moments captured in the Bible. For example, even for the Israelites, there are these big moments when God shows up, like the 10 commandments, but the rest of the stories are all mostly about remembering those moments, because they just keep forgetting and forgetting time and time again. And that’s actually the main story, what we do all those other regular times in our lives when we’re not on the mountain top getting a clear calling from the Lord.

And so the antidote to that is my 3rd point, announcement.

When you have that moment, even if it came, and went, go and share. Go and talk it out and work it through to see what it did to you and confirm and make sure or refine the experience through your wisdom board, closest friends, or community group.

And maybe for many of us, it isn’t a moment where Jesus literally called our names. Or one moment even, that we can point to. Maybe it was a series of things that strangely strung together to ignite something in you but you don’t know where it’s going. Like the Christmas song says,

“go tell it on the mountain!”

Go and announce! Go back to your village yelling like a mad woman that just discovered a bunch of old ships.

Is God calling you? We never would’ve known if Jesus called Mary Magdalene if she didn’t go and tell and tell again and they told someone else and told John and John wrote it down to tell it again and so forth.

What are you hearing from God?
Could you tell a friend about something that you’re sensing, or feeling, or hearing in your life to sift through together?
Can you go find a sounding board to help you recognize the call of God in your life, and maybe look at you confused at first and then nod with you in recognition?

Let me end with this.

The Gottman Institute, the leading research based marriage and relationship experts point to this thing they call “bids” that

“are the building blocks of healthy relationships. They are those meaningful daily endeavors when you invite your partner into your world and ask to enter theirs.”

They can be and often are small things, not grand gestures because it’s easier to say,

“Oh there’s this guy on the bus who brought on the cutest dog ”

which means listen to a small part of my day, rather than saying

“I want to be heard and connected with!”

Gottman says that when someone offers their bid, and this can be with kids or friends too, when they say something to try to get your attention, you can either ignore it and turn away from it or turn toward it and give it acknowledgement. And that, that creates connection, like you’re on the same side. With my husband it can be as small as, when we’re walking and I notice a flower, a broken brick, or a weird looking car, it honestly could be anything, and I say, “oh look!” and he turns and looks in the same direction that I am looking and sees and notices what I saw and noticed.

It’s small but Gottman studies

“found a critical difference in how masters and disasters respond to bids for connection. In the Love Lab, masters turned towards each other 86% of the time. Disasters turned towards each other only 33% of the time.”

I guess the masters are what they called masters of relationship and disasters. The founder, John Gottman is

“the guy that can predict divorce with over 90% accuracy,”

so… I’ll take note. He also recommends kissing for more than 6 seconds daily for relationships.

I wonder if God is offering bids to you. And if you are paying attention or turning towards the things that God is trying to point out to you. When you get in the habit of ignoring bids, you don’t even notice that they are trying to offer bids. But be open, see, notice, and listen, and see if God is offering small bids to you this week. Maybe we’re not getting dramatic gestures of God calling our name with a booming voice, and also maybe we’re out of practice. But even if we are, it doesn’t matter.

God will always be offering bid after bid. Even when it feels like everything seems to be going wrong, and there’s great distress and confusion and loss and sadness, listen and look into the tomb for angels. And engage in honest conversations, “why God?”, and when you have a flash of recognition, even if it’s fleeting, go, go and announce it and find a community to talk it through with. I pray that we may have the ears to ear, eyes to see, hearts to feel the great bid and calling from God for our lives. Let me pray for us.

Friendship

John 15:9-17

9 “As Abba has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Abba’s commands and remain in their love.

11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know their master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Abba I have made known to you.

16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name Abba will give you.

17 This is my command: Love each other.

In Brene Brown’s book Dare to Lead, a book about developing brave leaders and courageous cultures, she tells a story about her daughter, Ellen, and a difficult experience she had related to trust with her classmates in elementary school.

One day after school Ellen came home crying, distressed, and Brene asked her daughter what happened. Ellen told her that she told a few of her friends something embarrassing and asked them to promise not to tell anyone but later in the day her entire classroom was laughing and talking about the thing. The teacher took out a bunch of marbles from their marble jar. When the class collectively makes good decisions they put marbles into the jar. When they collectively make bad decisions, marbles come out. Ellen said to her mom,

“I will never trust anyone ever again in my life.”

During the summer we don’t have a particular preaching series, but the Kids Church and Youth theme for the summer has been, “I Am the Church,” thinking about how we are the church and who am I in this community. They’ve been doing show and tell and tracing their bodies on butcher paper and decorating them, and making friendship bracelets. So I wanted to bring the friendship bracelets over to the grown ups and talk about what it means to be the church here.

As I was thinking about our church community and today’s text about love and friendship, this story from Brene struck me. Brene Brown, a research and data based expert on vulnerability and shame, translating really what love and belonging is for the work environment and leadership, made me wonder what her book would be like if the title was Dare to Church. I think it could help translate a little bit of what Jesus was trying to say here in the Book of John in the modern day context.

For the ancient near East context, the metaphor for God, the father in heaven God, moving from master-servant to friendship is a provocative one. The societal system was set up in a hierarchical manner, where status, title, social connections and means determined how you related with one another. A part of me wanted to say, yes back in the day, the caste system really was so strict and absurd, but I find myself that it isn’t too different to today.

I mean we’re able to quite subtly give cues with what brands we are able to afford and wear, or where we work, what we do, pretty immediately being able to place one another in the pecking order of our society. No, we don’t do this in our church at all but everyone else does it out there all the time.

That’s what I do love about the church. I’ve been in ministry for a few decades now, and grew up in church as a pastor’s kid. One of my favorite things about growing up as a pastor’s kid is that I knew all kinds of people and their lives. My dad, the pastor, and our family would be invited to a church member’s house. One that had literally pillars at their front door, winding down staircases, a room of mirrors for their ballroom dancing practices, and a backyard with a swimming pool in one area, a babbling brook in another, and even a little safe haven enclosed by hedges with ornate bench for your morning meditation, they owned a few pharmacies in town.

In the same week we’d visit another church member, who runs a bargain fashion store in a strip mall next to the grocery store. She’d give me and my sister a bag of clothes to take home. We knew professors, doctors, dentists, and laundromat, liquor store and bargain fashion store owners. Because the church was an equalizer. At church everyone, whether you are rich or important or poor and disregarded the rest of the week, on Sunday, we all got into our Sunday best and we sang together, we ate together, we prayed for each other. Not all churches are like this. Some churches are more… segregated. But you didn’t really have a choice in Korean immigrant churches.

Our church, Reservoir, is more diverse than any church I’ve been in. More diverse than a Korean church. And I see us connecting with one another with those in any other setting may never cross paths. I see us do it. And also we’re all creatures of comfort, going to the same people we know and already feel comfortable with.

And I just need to share with you, so many of you I meet with, tell me you’re lonely, that you don’t know many people at the church, that you feel disconnected. And I’m sitting there just knocking my brain, you two should know each other!

Some simple reasons may be, sure, our church has changed a lot through Covid and coming back together. We’re in Boston, it is actually a quite transient place, with grad/PhD/med students coming and going. And we have had many new families and folks join us in the last few years. Even folks who’ve been at Reservoir for 10+ years are like, “I don’t know anyone!” And also, I think there are some hard reasons that some of us, many of us are still not feeling connected. We’re afraid.

Like Brene’s daughter Ellen,

“I don’t ever want to trust anyone again!”

Maybe some of us feel this way. After all, we are a church that is trying hard to be an opening and welcoming place for, especially for folks who have been hurt by the church. One of our most attended classes is called Unpack, unpacking our church baggage at a church for crying out loud. We’ve got some hurt people, cautious people. We’ve got people. Who are not perfect. Who will disappoint you and make mistakes. Heck, there are some of you that I’ve personally offended by something I said or did. So how are we supposed to love?

We’re naturally drawn to people who have acted in such a way that would put marbles in and in again in the jar. People who have listened to you, honored your pain, remembered your important day or event. When people are mean, disrespectful, or judges you, the marbles come out. Brene asked her daughter if she had a friend who holds a full marble jar. Ellen said

“Yeah, Hannah and Emma are my marble jar friends.”

And she asked her how they got their marbles. Brene expected her to share some heavy lifting stories of friendship and connection. Instead she shared that at a soccer game Hannah saw that Umma and Oppa were there (those are Brene’s mom and step dad). And Brene said,

“and what happened?”

Ellen said, that’s it, she got a marble for just seeing her grandparents. And then she said,

“and Emma always does the half butt sit with me in the cafeteria.”

That’s when the cafeteria tables are all full and there aren’t many seats left and Emma scoots over to share a seat with her so they’re both sitting on half butt. Brene also shared her marble jar people and at first said, well I think it might be a little different for grown ups but then she thought about that same soccer game and how Aileen came up and said,

“hey David and DeAnne”

and Brene recalled how much it meant that she remembered their names.

Brene makes the point that she might’ve thought that trust is built through grand big gestures, but from this story and backed by much of her research and looking for trust earning behaviors and found that trust is in fact found in the smallest of moments. It made me begin to wonder how marble jars are filled or not filled in our relationships.

I really want to know how it is exactly that we should love. I mean, Jesus is summing up all that God commanded into one call:

Love one another.

So we have to ask ourselves,

what does it mean to love one another?
What does it mean to be a friend?

Such simple questions and we can easily wave it off like, yes yes, love, duh.

But what does it look like?
Is that really even what we’re trying to do here?
If so, can we, like Brene Brown, think critically and strategically about how to do this well, how to do it better?

I’ll be honest, verse 13 doesn’t help me much.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I don’t get many chances to lay down my life for a friend. I mean you only get one chance to do that literally. And this line gets very quickly connected to Jesus’ death of course, helping us to conclude that Jesus is the greatest friend of all who laid down his life for us, according to one way of looking at the atonement theory, why Jesus died and what Jesus dying did.

But look, that’s just a theory, one very helpful, or had been very helpful at one time or another, way of thinking about what Jesus accomplished. It’s also a very literal implication of all that Jesus did into one act. Jesus didn’t die just to die and do the deed of dying for someone. He died because he did many things, like touch the leper, see the sinful woman, eat with outcasts, and call out injustices.

Not only so that he can appease God’s wrath of needing to bring punishment down on someone and Jesus took the fall for all our sins. That’s, again, one way to put it, and if that theological thinking has helped you understand God’s love, that’s really beautiful, it has for me too. (Steve actually has a really great blog post on atonement you can look it up on our website, search, Why Did Jesus Die?) But the metaphor is beyond that. There’s more metaphors to describe and get at what Jesus was doing, what God was doing, than just this one thing.

There’s another text that Jesus talks about, of “taking up your own cross” or death in

Matthew 16: 24-25

“24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

So since the whole laying your life down for a friend is only a one time deal, I wonder how else we could think about what it looks like to love one another every other day aside from your death day. So not grand gestures or big dramatic acts like Brene was thinking about in building trust, but the small things. What small way can we lay down our lives?

I can still think of some big ways, that’s smaller than death, but that many people have put their lives down for friendship. I know people who have lost their whole livelihood, community, family, because they decided to come out and say that they support their gay friend. They were excommunicated by their church and their small group leader, and pastor, and many of their friends because they decided to not say that being gay is a sin but instead that God loves them just as they are and in fact God delights in them for who they are. And because of that they’ve lost jobs, had to find another career path, moved to another community, lost connections, even family.

But even smaller ways, I can think of, are big moves. When we let go of our egos and let the other person speak and listen deeply even if you completely disagree with them. Or when we let go of the need to be good and helpful and be honest and humble with vulnerability and ask for help from someone you didn’t think could help you. Maybe lay down your life long work in defending a particular kind of theology to hear and listen to someone’s hardship that cannot be made sense through what the church has been teaching.

It tore my heart the other day, when I heard someone say that they were afraid to share what they had been through because they didn’t want to offend anyone or get them upset because very powerful and influential voices in the church in the last few decades had decided that they are against a certain social political issue. When the reality is the church, I mean the Christian church tradition hadn’t always thought that. Look, we can believe different things, we obviously do.

Look at us. We’re a mix. We’ve got a fetal cardiologist and administrative assistant. We’ve got Harvard PhDs and no college degree grandmas. And you know what, we all work hard to make our lives work and we all have big audacious hearts of hope and faith in God. Actually, some of us are struggling even as we move billions of dollars in the financial industry with addiction problems. Some of us are struggling with heartbreak and loneliness at home while leading a whole company. Some of us are barely making ends meet and struggling with debilitating health issues. And I see all of us, gathering together here, humbled, saying,

“Jesus I need you.”

Saying to one another

“hey I need you”

and we’re deciding to be a community together because we know that you can’t do this alone and you need a friend.

And I don’t mean just nice friends who say oh hi how are you, good, thank you, and you. That’s not good enough. As Brene Brown would say, you got to lean in with more courage and vulnerability than that because people can smell fake miles away. And if you really want to do the work of deeply connecting, you can’t stay on the surface level. She says

“daring is not saying, okay I’m willing to risk failure.”

Daring is saying,

“I know I’ll eventually fail. And I’m still all in.”

Have you failed with a relationship with someone, maybe with someone sitting here in this room? Yes? Good. Hey we don’t all gotta be BFF’s. If you haven’t, if you haven’t gotten a text from someone saying,

“hey we got to talk”

or had to apologize for a misstep to someone, then you’re not stepping. You’re missing out.

The definition of vulnerability as the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure has been described in her studies as these, when asked tell me about the time of vulnerability: first date after a divorce, talking about race with my team, trying to get pregnant after my second miscarriage and so on. These are the moments that come up that actually bind us, make us trust one another, how we love one another in these moments. If we’re not doing such moments, then we’re not doing love, we’re just being nice.

C.S. Lewis says,

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I hung out with a new friend the other day. We did a playdate with the girls. Her house was so cute and well designed, she has a great eye. And I stepped up my visiting someone’s home game by bringing a fun summer drink. It had pureed strawberries and blueberries, with slices of oranges and lemon, mixed with some cranberry juice and ice. I was proud of myself and she was so impressed. I was sad that I didn’t not bring a cute straw and basil with it. And a full cup of that beautiful pink and red drink with all kinds of fruit juices in it, was spilled by my daughter onto their living room rug. I got on my knees and dabbed and rubbed. She felt bad that I was on my knees. I felt bad that I ruined her pretty house. I still think about that rug and want to text her and say,

“sorry about that rug again!”

but haven’t because I don’t want her to make her feel bad for making me feel bad and text about stupid things that she probably moved on from that I’m obviously still caught up on because I’m neurotic and crazy and I don’t want her to know that just yet cause I want to hang out with her again.

You know what? I’ve been talking about how to be vulnerable. How to be a good friend. How we should lean in or take charge. But this is not a TedTalk or a self help book. There are some helpful tips but, the thing is none of this matters. We try so hard to be good little Christians, good church goers, good friends, a good community. None of these trys and efforts don’t really matter if you don’t know the good good Friend Jesus.

9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Do you hear Jesus saying to you, I love you?

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

Do you hear Jesus saying to you, I am your friend?

I chose you, I approached you, I initiated, and I made you my friend when you didn’t even know it. I pursue you again and again. I text you. I call you. I come by your house. I make sure that you know my love, my joy. SO THAT YOU MIGHT GO AND BEAR FRUIT. And spill fruit juices all over someone’s house and they still call you for a next hangout.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

I can’t tell you to go now and work on your friendship with vulnerability, because without knowing that God is your friend, it’ll be a fruitless effort.

God is vulnerable with you. God came to us as Jesus to just sit next to us at the well, to call us down from climbing a tree, so that we can come over at night to discuss urgent things, to feed us bread and wine. God is your friend.

Let me pray for us.

Hey Friend, thank you for loving us first, when we knew nothing of it. Help us to find your love again and again. Help us to hear your voice and listen to your heart with our hearts. Help us to grow our friendship with you and with those around us. Help us our most dearest sweet kind friend who loves us beyond our own understanding. Give us your wisdom to know and understand this mighty love we have from you. We pray, in Jesus name Amen.

When God Was a Little Girl

Matthew 18:1-5

Greatest In the Kingdom

18 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

2 Then he called a little child over to sit among the disciples,

3 and said, “I assure you that if you don’t turn your lives around and become like this little child, you will definitely not enter the kingdom of heaven.

4 Those who humble themselves like this little child will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5 Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Would you pray with me?

Holy and Loving God, You’re the best. Thank You for everything you do for us. Creating us, taking care of us, loving us. Thank You that when we feel alone or something is hard, You remind us that we are your beloved and that we can do anything with Your love. Help us to be better people. Even as we gather together like this as a church community, help us to love one another better and to learn from one another. Thank You for this Reservoir Church community. Give us the ears to hear now, Your message of love, in and through it all we pray. Amen.

Everything we say about God is only a representation of who/what God is. Our words, our thoughts, our images, even our greatest theological thesis statements are only a representation of God, who is, even more vast and more unimaginable than what we say about God. And also when we say anything about God, we are trying to get at something right? We are trying to describe an aspect of God that is true, or at least true to one, and even more important than true, an aspect of God that is beautiful, compelling, alluring and attractive. One that draws us near to behold or be held in awe. If it doesn’t do that, then what’s even the point?

I love this book, When God was a Little Girl, because it’s a little girl’s search for what God is like, in her language, in her tactiles, in her world, what’s God like? Her imagination is filled with singing, giggling, tickling, and crayons, glue, glitter. I’d love for us, especially the grown ups right now, to enter into the imagination of this imagery. Because in our Scripture text today, Jesus tells the disciples that

That is actually what we are called to be like. We are called to be like a little child.

Did you guys know that, kiddos? Us grownups are supposed to be more like you kiddos, Jesus said! Why do you think he said that?

Okay, let’s get the situation right first. Anytime we read some verses from the Bible, we’re entering in mid-conversation. What was the context in which Jesus was saying this? Well Matthew starts this section with,

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

I love cross referencing these stories with the other Gospels, Luke and Mark. It’s always good to get everyone’s perspective (everyone available) on how the conversation actually went.

Well Luke says in Luke 9 verse 46

“And an argument arose among them as to which of them was the greatest.”

Oh! There was an argument going on. Grown adults sitting around arguing,

“I’m the best”, “No I’m the best!” “No you’re not!” “Let’s ask Jesus!”

And in Mark, I love Mark. He just tells the story as is. Most scholars even suspect that Mark’s account was the earliest one written down and Matthew and Luke used Mark as a source to write their own account. Mark 9:33-37 says,

“And they came to Capernaum; and when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you discussing on the way?”

But they were silent; for on the way they had discussed with one another who was the greatest.

And he sat down and called the 12; and he said to them,

“If any one would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”

he took a child and put him in the midst of them; and taking him in his arms, he said to them,

“whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but One who sent me”.

I find this funny. Jesus was like,

so what were y’all talking about earlier?

And they’re like….

“Um… nothing.”

They were probably walking together toward Capernaum, and Jesus already heard. They didn’t even have to answer him. Jesus is like,

“Sigh, here, come, gather around, all 12 of you. Sit!”

Sometimes we need reminders of what is the most important thing. We often forget.

This text of course reminded me of my own kids that are three and five years old right now. And I sure do learn a lot from them. And also I’m not going to stand up here, as a feminist, and say

oh having kids is one of the best ways you can learn about God.

Some parents have kids and never learn this (although they are faced with it every day) and plenty of grown ups who don’t have kids of their own are awesome aunties and uncles to friends and neighboring kids and really see them as the kids they are.

I’ll say for myself, sometimes it’s hard being a parent, always at every moment being faced with the brilliance of kids’ nature that is to be so present.

Like me, I have ideas. Ideals and agendas and things I want to get done. I often live in the future and in planning. I need to get out of the house by 9:15, to pick up the cake from the store (one that’s impressive, but cheap, and kind of healthy? Is that even possible?), and then get the kids to the bathroom break so they don’t pee in their pants, which I didn’t pack extra pants, so that would ruin the whole party and so even if they don’t want to pee, they better pee because I don’t have the energy to go upstairs and pack another pair of pants and underwear, oh dear, I have to do laundry, they are out of underwear.

Welcome to Mom Brain.

And while all this to do, and self doubt, and self preservation, and optimization is going on in my mind, my kids, they are saying,

“Umma look! Look at me umma! I can hop on one foot!”

They are in their bodies, right now. They are having fun. They are proud. They want to be seen and loved and that is the most important thing.

And right then I have two choices in how I can respond.

Not look and say,

“okay, let’s go, put on your shoes I said!”

Look and make eye contact, laugh at their awesome hop, do a little one foot hop yourself and say,

“Look me too! Let’s see if we can put on our shoes one foot at a time!”

They actually give parenting tips like this.

When you’re trying to get out the door. Don’t tell them what to do. Connect with them where they are and do it with them.

And invitation to connect. Kids are always giving you an invitation to connect with them in a real present way.

To see God like a little child, through a little child’s eyes, and to have faith and become like a little child. What does that mean for you? How can we grown ups, who were little kids at one point but haven’t been one in a long time, how can we re-remember and embrace the faith and likeness of a little child?

I want to end with this practice because there are many things that we can learn from kids. And us grown ups are sometimes so busy doing that we don’t stop to ponder and wonder and play. And so I want us to take some time right now to do a spiritual practice together of imagining, not just any child, but our own childhood and each of our own inner child.

Because how many of you have been a child before or are a child now? Raise your hand. I thought so. Everyone. We all know deep in our bones what was our most favorite thing about being a child. We might’ve forgotten or haven’t thought about it in a while but let’s give ourselves some time and space to meditate on our childhood beings for a moment and see if God will show us what the childlike way is.

So I’m going to ask you to close your eyes if you’d like, or if not look up or down, find something to focus on, with a soft gaze. If you don’t want to do this, don’t, you can zone me out, have a few moments of silence, or whatever you feel comfortable with. Take a few deep breaths with me now, to be in our bodies. To relax a bit. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out.

Silence

Think of yourself when you were a child.

Maybe an index of some memories are going through. Just pick one, maybe one that feels light and safe to enter right now, and zoom it out and enter it.

If a memory doesn’t come, just imagine yourself as a child somewhere, maybe in a park, maybe on a bench, near a lake or water.

See your kid self.

What do you notice?
What’s the environment that the kid you are in? What color is it? What does the air feel like?
What is the kid you doing?
What is the kid you feeling?
What is the child you thinking about?
What is the kid you delighting in?
What gifts is the kid you surrounded with?
What is the gift or the invitation the kid is offering to you now?

Now imagine blessing this kid with all the love and gratitude you have.

Thank the kid for just who they are.

Thank yourself for holding this kid in your mind in this moment and bless yourself for all that you noticed and felt in this moment.

Feel free to close by putting a hand on your heart to signify gratitude and love for the kid and you.

Amen.

The Way Down Is The Way Up

Hi Everyone. My name is Lydia Shiu, my pronouns are she/they, I’m one of the pastors here. I’ll be sharing a few words with you today. Let me pray for us to get started.

Holy and Loving God, I thank you that you have given us this day. We come into this place of worship from all different backgrounds and experiences. God, you have gathered us here to teach us and show us that you love each and every one of us uniquely and abundantly, no matter who we are, what we’ve done, what we’ve left undone. Help us to experience your presence with us even now, help us to see and feel your love, maybe through a word or a thought that hits us in a fresh new way. Bring new mercies to us this morning we pray, in Jesus name. Amen.

It’s been a while since I’ve been up here. Last few months I’ve been leading a Bible Study with our youth group. We did deep dives into some Bible texts about Sodom and Gomorrah, and what they call the “clobber texts,” texts that have been used to hurt and suppress the LGBTQIA+ community, and texts about how nothing can separate us from the love of God.

We discussed how the Bible has been translated and interpreted in many ways and how we are to engage and understand the Bible. It’s a big task, the Bible is a big book, but it was actually fun and interesting to learn and discuss these things together. I shared my testimony at some point, about the shame of graduating from college one semester late and how much that isolated me from my community, how I felt like a failure and alone. And how Jesus defending the sinful woman in front of the Pharisees resonated with me and felt like God was comforting me through it. Our young people listened at times with wide eyes, other times with boredom, not too different from here when you hear us preach, and they asked good questions like,

“why do you think the Bible included all that bad stuff?”

and

“do you think there are more blades of grass or grains of sand in the world?”

when we talked about God’s love being like the grains of sand.

I come to you today carrying our precious young people in our hearts. A new generation of post-iPhones, post-covid, tender, brilliant, courageous teens. I’m so proud of our church for being a church that not only welcomes, but fully affirms queer and non-binary kids. And I bring to us today a text that we read last week, on our last week of eight weeks together, that culminated to not just wrestling with the tough parts of the Bible, but getting to the core of the message of the Bible and what we’re doing here at church at all–that God loves us and is with us.

I know we have been in the preaching series called Lives That Work, learning from the wisdom literatures, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Job, and I bring to us today from the wisdom literature, the heavyweight champion, Psalms. Psalm 139, a fan favorite. We read this in the youth group together and the message carries to our young people, to y’all our old people and everyone in between. Because the Psalms express the expanse of the human condition in a candid conversations with God, from the “depths of need to heights of celebration,” it has become time and time again, one of the truest models and pictures of our own faith journeys. Yes, it’s got wisdom.

What’s the difference between smarts and wisdom? What is wisdom and why is it so important? Well, many of us know how to be smart. We read. We learn. And most of the world is really good at teaching us what to do to make more money, be more efficient, how to be more productive, or climb the ladder of success, through university education or university of YouTube. But wisdom, wisdom is not so clear. The wise answer could often start with, “well that depends….” and follow up with a question. Even Proverbs, as pastor Steve has touched upon in other weeks, has lines that are not meant to be blanket statements but for us to consider with grains of salt applications. You can’t just take a line and apply it to all situations, like

“houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

I mean… who are these parents they are talking about, get me one of those parents please. And I have nothing to say on the latter part of the phrase.

Wisdom is not something you just learn. It’s something you live with and work out and try and feel through. Wisdom are things my mom said to me growing up, a thousand times like, rinse your mouth with water after you eat like this, “gargle gargle” and I’d be like “mom! You told me a hundred times!” And my English-as-a-second-distant-language would reply, “I know I know, I tell you a hundred times!” And these days I be like “gargle gargle” after meals cause crowns are expensive.

Alright, that was all intro. Let’s get to the text to see what wisdom this text has for us.

Psalm 139:1-18

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

    you discern my thoughts from far away.

3 You search out my path and my lying down

    and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before a word is on my tongue,

    O Lord, you know it completely.

5 You hem me in, behind and before,

    and lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

    it is so high that I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from your spirit?

    Or where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there;

    if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning

    and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,

10 even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

    and night wraps itself around me,”[a]

12 even the darkness is not dark to you;

    the night is as bright as the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For it was you who formed my inward parts;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

    Wonderful are your works;

that I know very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.

In your book were written

    all the days that were formed for me,

    when none of them as yet existed.[b]

17 How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 I try to count them—they are more than the sand;

    I come to the end[c]—I am still with you.

Walter Brueggemann in his book the Message of the Psalms would probably categorize this Psalm 139 as a Psalm of Disorientation. You see, Brueggeman categorizes the Psalms into 3 categories, Psalms of Orientation, Psalms of Disorientation, and Psalms of Reorientation. For example, I shared this last time I preached but that was like a million years ago, so here it is again, Psalm 1 says things like,

“Blessed is the human who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked…they are like a tree planted by streams of water

(I’m re-translating from “man” to “human” and “he” to “they”)

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever they do propers.”

That’s how we all start. The basics. Do this and you’ll get this. A simple equation for how life works.

But then, you live a little and you see like in Psalm 73,

“I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong.”

When we don’t see the world as we were taught, it confuses us. We were taught to be good kids. Do well in school. Get a college degree. Marry well and your life should work out just fine. The simple equation for how life should work. Maybe you even followed many of the Proverbs to the tee. But then a tragedy befalls and we’re like, but I did everything right.

Why did this happen to me? I didn’t smoke, how could I get cancer?
I was so devoted to him, how could he cheat on me?
I did everything for my parents, how could they give all their inheritance away?

I did everything right and I did not prosper.

And we scream at God,

how could you? You said if I just stay close to your water, my leaf will not wither, but look at this mess, withering!

Like a child, but you promised! Disorientation.

The thing about wisdom literature I hate is that they never explain the disconnect. They don’t give an explanation for why the wicked prospers. The Bible does not have an answer to why humans suffer. Why do bad things happen to good people? Nobody knows.

What is the Christian answer to our suffering and our disorientation? Our failures and our deep down in the pits?

Bruggeman says this:

“The use of these “Psalms of darkness” may be judged by the world to be the acts of unfaith and failure, but the trusting community, their use is an act of bold faith, albeit a transformed faith. It is an act of bold faith on the one hand, because it insists that the world must be experienced as it really is and not in some pretended way. On the other hand it is bold because it insists that all such experiences of disorder are a proper subject for discourse with God. There is nothing out of bounds, nothing precluded or inappropriate. Everything properly belongs in this conversation of the heart. To withhold parts of life from that conversation is in fact to withhold part of life from the sovereignty of God. Thus these psalms make the important connection: everything must be brought to speech, and everything brought to speech must be addressed to God, who is the final reference for all of life.”

It’s included. It belongs. Your suffering. The darkness. The disorientation. The edges. The end. The limits. At the depths. It’s all included. And it’s all God’s. There’s nothing that can separate us from the love of God.

In the King James version (which is not a personal favorite as far as translations go but some parts of it are translated quite accurately), verse 12 says:

“12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from Thee, but the night shineth as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to Thee.”

Which is slightly different from what we read earlier that said:

12 even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is as bright as the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

As if dark shouldn’t be dark and dark is bad and bright is good and actually darkness should be more like light. But King James says, the darkness does not hide and the night SHINES. And that light and dark are both alike to thee. I like you okay, King James!

I’ve been learning about the false dichotomy of dark and light that’s so ingrained in us, through Black Liturgies, an Instagram account that has really some beautiful prayers. In a Podcast by the Faith and Justice Network, the author of Black Liturgies Cole Arthur Riley talked about this thing she does. She said that once a month she goes without artificial light. So no phone, computer, lamp. Just the sun and the night. She does use candles a bit but she embraces that time before the sun comes up or as the sun goes down how the darkness changes and sits with how the darkness makes you feel. What an interesting practice right?

In fact, I think what wisdom teaches us is that actually there in the darkness, we can find that God is there in the depths.

Richard Rohr calls this

“the way down is the way up”

in his book called “Falling Upward.” You want to experience God? A spiritual height of growth and awakening? The way down is the way up.

He talks about this in the context of how in the first half of our lives we’re obsessed with upward mobility, growing up, achieving, accomplishing, doing it right. He says,

“First-half-of-life religion is almost always about various types of purity codes or “thou shalt nots” to keep us up, clear, clean, and together, like good Boy and Girl Scouts…”

But that second half of life, it’s really about letting go. He says,

“Like skaters, we move forward by actually moving from side to side. I found this phenomenon to be core and central to my research on male initiation, and now we are finding it mirrored rather clearly in the whole universe, especially in physics and biology, which reveal one huge pattern of entropy: constant loss and renewal, death and transformation, the changing of forms and forces. Some even see it in terms of “chaos theory”: the exceptions are the rule and then they create new rules. Scary isn’t it?”

He calls it like a secret to life, that if we are not aware of this reality, this wisdom, the same thing that Jesus was saying,

“last shall be first,”

and one of my favorite verse, 2 Corinthians 12:10 says,

“it is when I am weak, that I am strong,”

if we don’t understand this parable, life will not work. Life will be even harder than the hard suffering itself.

If we are unable to embrace this depth, darkness, disorientation, we will never find the reorientation gift that’s offered there. Another wisdom literature, the Ecclesiastes, tells us that there’s a season for everything.

“a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot.”

You want lives that work? Go and learn what this means, as Jesus would say after he drops a doozy of a parable. It’s counterintuitive. It’s hella confusing. It’s extremely inconvenient frankly. But if you don’t invite the hard work and just keep saying, my life is fine, my life is fine, obsessed with optimizing our lives rather than losing it, (Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.), it will breakdown in the middle of the road at the most inconvenient time.

What is the way-down invitation that God is showing you in your life right now?

How can you release and open up that part of your life and say to God,

“Search me Lord, and know my heart?”

How can you bring your darkness to light, or to put it in another way, invite God and invite others to be with and see you in the darkness?

Every time I pick up my kids midday, I go from bright sunlight outside to the dark classroom where they are napping. And when I first step in, at first it’s pitch black. I have to stop and not take another step cause I can’t see anything. I listen. There’s soft music playing, teachers cutting up some things for the next craft item. But the longer I stay there, my eyes adjust and I can see honestly everything. My daughter’s sleeping face. The kid that’s awake and staring at me.

When you invite folks into your darkness, you’re giving them a gift. A gift to see the tenderness, the grace. It’s up to them if they are scared or uncomfortable, need to turn on any light in the room to make themselves feel better. But the good ones, good ones will just come and sit with you. And you’ll get to learn who the good ones are.

I want to close with a poem that one of the youth group kids wrote. In the Bible study last week, we were quietly reflecting on the words for a full five minutes together in silence, and one of the students, Liv shared how verse 7-12 resonated with her. And as she shared, it included another one of my favorite verses there,

“if I make my bed in the depth, you are there.”

which was a verse that gave me such comfort during a time in my life where I was crying in bed a lot. And like a obnoxious cheezy pastor I started crying kind of uncontrollably and the kids are like, Uhhhhh, and so I had to explain myself and just started preaching at the teens like,

“look, if you don’t get anything out of the bible studies I did with y’all just know one thing, when you’re going through dark stuff, I hope you don’t but maybe you already have, but if you do, know God is there with you, okay? I hope when and if you ever feel alone, that you will be open to God’s voice saying, it’s okay, I love you!”

as I was blubbering about. That night Liv texted me this poem she wrote inspired by Psalm 139. She told me I could share with you all.

“Where are you, God?”

Drowning in tears,

Surrounded by fears,

Trapped in my mind,

Alone, confined.

At the edge of the sea,

Yet still, you see me,

In a world stripped bare,

You’re always there,

I’m lost in the night,

God you are the light,

In every breeze,

In the rustling leaves,

You whisper you care,

Because God,

You are there,

You are there,

You are there.

This girl knows what’s up. She’s falling upward.

If life is not working out for you right now, I hope you know that even that, the not working out part, is God’s, it’s included, there, right there in the midst of your greatest downfall, God is there, meeting you, lifting you up. May we know deeply that my friend. Let me pray for us.

Emmanuel God with us, one who revealed the meaning of what it means for you to be with us through the life of Jesus, we thank you for the presence of your spirit with us and within.